"The passing of a loved one"

A family member was admitted to ward 3d Crosshouse hospital.  They deteriorated and decision was made for palliative care.

It is the most awful time in your life when you are losing a loved one however it was made even more traumatising by the lack of empathy we experienced from the staff in this ward including medical staff.

Staff members would not introduce themselves leaving us a family unsure who to go to when we needed assistance. Having to ask nurses ' are you looking after my ( family member) then still having to ask their name as they still were not forthcoming....total lack of communication and eye contact!!!

Getting told the logistics of the ward per shift and being told we were ' lucky' three staff members were on duty certain nights instead of two. 

Being told by staff practically every shift that they don't normally work there and have just been sent there

Staff saying our family member was ' mis managed'. ...this is not what you want to hear while they are lying dying.

We did ask a lot of questions, most never really answered. 

Having to ask staff to page the on-call palliative team during the night to manage medication as what we had to watch and our family member to endure was barbaric! Surely a nurse would see this for herself and page someone....nope.

We were also told every night there was nowhere we could go for a rest or some time out as the day room was used for staff tea breaks and sleep breaks. Was even told by a student ...our future nurse to be !

Being told when an infusion was a few hours late that there were other patients on the ward (which we understand), however this was medication that was needed and requested to be changed by palliative doctor to ensure comfort in the last few days of someone's life.

A senior doctor standing at the door for a ward round, making and muttering decisions with staff and not so much as entering the room, introducing themselves, offer condolences and refer to us as a family and involve us as a family....total lack of disrespect and acknowledgement for our family member also.

When things got so bad I did say I felt there was no care and compassion to one nurse.  They just told me their grade and how there really wasn't anything they could do about it but would say to the other staff member if they really wanted me too. 

Also staff felt the need to tell us they were only qualified 4 months ago and were ' handed the keys' to be in charge of the ward.

We felt as a family we were left to our own devices with not great support and a burden when we went looking for staff. Our family member didn't have the easiest of passings but I feel this could of been prevented to a certain degree. It's a sad day when you know a person needs to pass but you pray it's not that night because of a staff member.

The actual night of our family members passing we had a lovely nurse which we are so grateful for. 

Aftercare from medical staff was still shocking, phoning us at home stating the wrong cause of death. Phoning from a busy nurses station with people talking and phones ringing, having to hang up and call us back. It is common courtesy and sense to go into a quiet room while discussing sensitive issues. The date of death also wrong on death certificate, so in the end three death certificates were issued due to mistakes. 

We feel the ward is a shambles and needs serious improvements including staffing, training, communication, compassion and manners . Management need to be made aware of the requirement of essential updated training in the care of a dying patient as I would not wish the care my family member received and our family to be provided for anyone else.