"4th degree tear, not listened to."

Left the hospital to labour at home at 3pm (was only 1-2cm dilated) by 6pm the pain was intense, i had vomited and had a loose bowel movement. Contacted the hospital to discuss, seemed reluctant to let me return. Returned to the hospital at 7pm, contractions enough to stop me moving or speaking. Midwife from earlier in the day didn't seem to believe me that I was in pain and things had changed. Student midwife was fantastic and listening to me.

Had all back labour and did not want to be on my back after the exam (6cm dilated) Midwife would not listen and insisted. Tried arguing with them and insisted I wanted to change position, they would not allow it. They stepped out and left the student midwife who helped me to change positions and made me feel more comfortable. When midwife returned they physically positioned me back on my back. Felt an urge to push and the midwife insisted it wasn't time yet, my body was saying something different. My body took over, I could not have tried to keep my son in if I tried. Advised I needed to push, midwife checked and the head was there, head out, midwife advised if I did not have baby out with the next push , they would have to do a episiotomy. Baby slipped out onto the bed, no one caught him. I had a 4th degree tear requiring surgery, bleeding in surgery, not allowed to have another vaginal birth.

I understand delivery was fast but I felt my midwife was not listening to me. All the other midwives and student were exceptional but mine was really not. It felt as though they didn't care and did what they wanted rather than what was best for me and my baby.