"Its about my time in Hospital last August."

My journey started last April with a Flareup with my Gallbladder. I got to mid August, and things got worse. I ended up in Admissions 2, the Staff were excellent,  I got the best care given. Sadly I got worse, which resulted in me being admitted to Ward 33, where again I took a turn for the worse.

The Dr removed a Stone from the Pancreas, which caused a tear, and it went to Septic Pancreatitis and Sepsis. I was then put into High Dependency for 2 weeks. The Staff were amazing, apart from two Nurses. A lot of the time I could hear both of them talking about female staff quite misogynistically, then they turned it on me.

I had a nurse, they were very dignified and professional. Due to me being seriously ill, I was unable to use a toilet, or bedpan, which resulted in me being very violently sick, and bowels extremely loose. This nurse had changed and cleaned me up a few times in one night, which I heard one of the other nurses making comments about me, for eg, if you continue cleaning her up, it can lead to rape charges from me. And they commented that I was enjoying them cleaning me up. I felt upset, and disgusted, that a professional Nurse could say something like that.

I had A line in one hand, 3 Canulas, Nose Tube, Canula in other Arm, Cathetar, I could not toilet myself even if I tried. Other things were talked about, I found that High Dependency ward noisy at night, their loud chats, etc, music playing. On the Saturday of the 1st week in that ward, in front of 2 work colleagues visiting me, I asked the Senior Female nurse, if I could request a female nurse, and explained, I'm not against male nurses or male carers, but I didn't want certain members of staff I had been overhearing caring for me. Unfortunately she explained if some nurses were on a break etc, they need Staff on the Ward, which I totally understood.

The Following weekend, one of these nurses came close to the area where my bed was, and said to the Senior nurse, For all of you in the 'my name' world, I bid you farewell. I didn't know what had happened, or what was said? I guessed they had been reprimanded in some way?

I have the up most respect for all NHS staff, and the care I received was of a high standard, but this incident has left me scarred, I have sought Counselling, as a lot of this has left me with flashbacks, and unanswered questions, that I don't think I'd find answers too if I'd asked any NHS staff.

There was a lot more things those 2 nurses said, one of them was coming to the aid of a lady behind the curtain next to me, I sat up, and the nurse said, don't you start, iv no time for you. I replied I wasn't needing help, as I'd wakened with the alarm going off, even if I did need help, I'd wait till someone else was available.

Going back to one of the only times I felt I had to let them clean me up, it felt like I'd been abused, I could sense they were laughing at me, I felt degraded, helpless, disgusted, disrespected, and embarrassed. All these months later, I have had these things niggling at me, wondering what I'd said, but don't remember if I said anything.

Although I was on Morphine, and many more meds, I do remember everything that I went through, the treatments, the procedures, but I don't remember saying anything about those 2 Nurses, and, why would they come out with that comment. This is why iv sought help, as it's taken me this long to reach out. I returned to work at the beginning of this year, I had the Gallbladder out in November last year, after 11wks removing from August's ill health. Because of one of the nurses comments, for eg, them saying to a staff member, they looked into my background, find out where I lived, that's left me watching over my shoulder, or, watching out for them if I'm in the area. This has really effected me. But with the help of a Trained Mental Health person, turned it into a positive thing, that quite possibly they've had complaints before, and maybe me mentioning about wanting a Female nurse, has maybe just confirmed what other folks have complained before. This has been a good help to try and put this behind me, hopefully I'll continue to make good progress.