"More support needed for miscarriage, even if early"

I was sent with a suspected miscarriage to A&E by my GP. I was only 4 weeks pregnant, so it was a very early loss.

In triage, I showed the nurse my positive pregnancy test but she dismissed it, said I couldn't possibly be pregnant as it was too early. She asked me if I wanted to be pregnant, and of course I did, and then she went, "well you're not now." It was such a cold, dismissive approach. I went back out to see the doctor, and the waiting room was full of babies and young children. It broke me but I held it in.

When I saw the doctor, I told him all the symptoms and information he needed to know. He said it sounds like a miscarriage and that I was pregnant. Because I was diagnosed with hyperplasia and had a coil fitted, I shouldn't have been able to get pregnant. Therefore he had to contact someone in the gynaecology department to discuss my case with, and he sent me out into the waiting room.

It was packed and I had to stand up, even while I was still cramping. I would definitely encourage a room or a separate area for women who go through this to be put in, rather than main waiting room. As it definitely felt like everyone was watching me and all I wanted to do was break down. I was called back into the room, and the doctor said that it could just be my hyperplasia instead and I should "put a smile on my face". That felt like a kick to the stomach, and I was so shocked I actually felt myself stop breathing. Even if I wasn't pregnant, I had thought I was and had lost it. How could I have been expected to smile about what I was going through?

I was sent for further tests on a ward, where I had my bloods taken and had to wait 4 hours for the results. I was exhausted, had nothing to eat, was again surrounded by people who were pregnant and talking about their families and babies. I didn't mind that, but it hurt in a way that I've never experienced before. I was just left in a corner of the waiting room until I finally was so mentally and physically exhausted I burst into tears.

I was questioning if I had ever been pregnant, if it had been all in my head and if the medical professionals thought that I was stupid or delusional.  That was when the nurse noticed and said she'd call the doctor to come up and go through my bloods. The doctor did eventually arrive and examined me.

She told me that she had looked through the results and that I had been pregnant and that I had lost the baby. The doctor was so kind and empathetic, she made sure I was comfortable during examining me and talked me through everything she did. When she had confirmed everything, I just broke down sobbing. She was the one who hugged me and let me cry onto her. That bit of care and human interaction really helped amd really saved my day.

By the time I left, I'd been in hospital for 12 hours and I just wanted to grieve my baby that I HAD lost. It was a relief to know the baby was real, just as I had felt them to be when I got the positive test. 

I thought I had to have a scan and when I was phoned to book the appointment, I was told that I didn't need one as I had passed everything. I was told that it was "only a biochemical pregnancy" and that there was nothing more they could do and just to rest. It seemed like it was just so easily dismissed and my thoughts and feelings weren't taken into account. Even if it was a biochemical pregnancy, I still was going through the changes of pregnancy, I still dreamed up a future for the baby. And all of that was gone, and is never coming back.

To this day, I have trauma response when I go into the same hospital, I'm hesitant to share with my doctors in case I just get dismissed again. For weeks after, I had nightmares of that doctor telling me to smile about it. More needs to be done to support women going through a miscarriage, even an early one.