"It was hard to imagine I’d ever be at this point"

Altogether I’ve spent about 27 years getting support with my drug use. The first ever drug I used was solvents when I was about 13. I used solvents like it was a religion, it was just part of what I did. Then in my early 20s, my drug use escalated. I’d been smoking solids (weed) and then started injecting heroin because a lot of my mates were using it at the time, and some of them were dealers themselves so it was easy to get into. I used to beg to try and find the money to fund it, although it was difficult back in the 90s to really raise enough money through begging.

It got to the point where I knew I needed some help for my heroin addiction, so I went to my GP. Back then GPs would prescribe anything, and they gave me methadone ampules straight off. That’s when I really started to feel like I was dependent on opiates. That prescription kind of got my addiction rolling so to speak, as I’d use the ampules and heroin on top too. I spent years on ampules and using on top, until around 2000-2021, when I went to rehab in Portsmouth. I was only there for a couple of weeks, but then got kicked out of rehab and came back to Birmingham. I started using again after rehab and I was so desperate for money I ended up going to prison for 6 months for a domestic incident that was over money.  I just wasn’t thinking straight at the time and I desperately needed money to use.

I came out of prison and went into a probation hostel. I was there for about 6 months, and it was too easy to get back onto heroin because of the people I was around. Eventually I ended up being moved onto a longer-term house and by this time I was also drinking heavy.  There was about 4 or 5 other heroin addicts where I was staying.  Heroin was always around me.

Around 2018, I finally got a flat, and because of all of the moving around to different places I’d done, it was harder to find dealers and use heroin like I used to. Around that time, a close friend of mine who was also into drugs got stabbed to death. It was over drugs. I could see that the world I’d been living in for so long had changed. I’d lost old connections and I wasn’t surrounded by the people I trusted anymore.

I went to my GP again for help and that’s when I met Jacqui, my worker who has helped me ever since. The first time Jacqui met me, I’m not sure what she must have thought as I had really bad tooth ache at the time and I remember being in the GP surgery and was in so much pain I just started punching the floor. Security got involved and for about 6 months I had to have a security guard with me for my appointments, until they realised that I wasn’t a threat to anyone and didn’t normally act that way.

When I restarted methadone that time round I got up to about 70mls. I started to use less and drink less. It took me a while but after about 4 years I stopped using on top and got really stable. I naturally started to look better and I also put on some weight, so even if I did want to use heroin, the people I’d approach would doubt that I was actually an addict. I also got support for my mental health and was seen by the mental health team. They gave me olanzapine and risperidone, as I was experiencing hallucinations. I’d see and hear things. Eventually, this got better and my mental health treatment was transferred over to my GP. I started spending more time with my Mum, and I started to act like an adult around her for this first time in a long time. I built my trust back up with her.

I’d see Jacqui about once every 4 weeks. She helped me with more than just my drug use. She believed in me when I was being accused of making too much noise in my flat by a neighbour, and was being threatened with eviction. She got in contact with the right people and helped me to prove I was innocent and I kept hold of my flat because of her.

I’d been on methadone for so long, at times it felt I might have stayed on it forever. I didn’t want to though, as I used to gouch a lot on it. Jacqui and my GP encouraged me to start reducing, which I did slowly and then in November 2022 I switched over to Espranor. It was completely different on Espranor, without the gouching feeling. I then started reducing this, from 6mg, to 4mg and then 2mg until I finally came off it completely and now I’m not on anything at all. I’ve detoxed.

I feel like it’s very early days for me.  I want to do something that will help me get some of the camaraderie back I used to have in the old days, but without the drugs. I plan to give volunteering a go and see where this takes me. Jacqui is going to help me with this. I couldn’t have made all these changes without her. Through everything, it felt like she was always on my side and believed I could do it. 

My story feels like a simple one and without my GP and Jacqui pushing me forwards it was hard to imagine I’d ever be at this point.  But I am definitely a different person now and want to stay free from opiate prescriptions and heroin.  My Mum is a pensioner and I've put her through a lot over the years, so I'm doing it for her too.