"My recovery from addiction"

Over a thirty-year period, my addiction took me to some terrifying places. Addiction gave me injuries, illnesses, humiliation and a constant feeling of uneasiness. By the end, I was trapped in a never-ending Groundhog Day, isolated and in fear of everything and everyone. I was so ill that I became petrified that I would die, but at the same time, I didn’t want to live anymore.

I have completed several detoxes over the years, many that I have had to beg for, but have always ended up relapsing again and again. I couldn’t break the cycle. My situation was hopeless.

After my last relapse, I went into a private rehab for a month. While in there, I communicated with CGL workers. I now understood that a detox and a few weeks away was not going to be sufficient if I was to hold on to my sobriety. Something needed to change. CGL assured me that they were setting me up on their Day Programme, which I could access as soon as I left the rehab. They also told me about their Anxiety group, which I started remotely while in the treatment centre, and about their Creative group.

When I entered the rehab, I had been too afraid to speak to anyone. The Day Programme would involve daily groups where I would be expected to engage. Although I was fearful, I knew that the uncomfortable feelings I had around this had to be put aside if I was to have any kind of sober future.

On leaving the rehab, I started the daily groups. I had already begun to build a trusting relationship with the staff and this helped me with my confidence. I went from having a chaotic lifestyle to have a daily routine where I would be expected to show up and be accountable. As well as developing my own skills to avoid relapse, I also learnt about the value of helping other addicts with their recovery.

Finally, I started to believe that sobriety did not need to be a temporary thing and that it was something that could be a possibility for me long-term. I began attending 12 step meetings and found a sponsor to support me. I would look forward to and contribute to the groups. My self-esteem started to grow. I enjoyed the trips out we had at Cannon Hill Park and to the city centre during the Commonwealth Games. I got to meet people in person and learnt to have a good time without mind-altering substances. I felt closer to the staff and the group members as a result. I realised that other people could like me for who I am and I made friends.

The Anxiety group equipped me with techniques, which I still use in situations today when things become stressful. The Creative writing group showed me that I could actually be good at something.

Since leaving the Day Programme, I have a much more positive outlook on life. I have been invited to CGL South hub to share my experiences about the 12 steps and recovery, to the women’s group to talk to clients and to the 168 groups. Talking to groups of strangers would not have been possible a year ago. Now, at almost a year free of all mind-altering substances, I am eternally grateful to the staff who believed in me and who continue to believe in me.