"Waiting times for Medication review"

At the end of last year, I took myself off my own medication, due to the fact that my emotions were dampened and I felt unbearably numb on them, I was in a good place mentally and they were holding me back and making me too lethargic to do everyday tasks. The reason I took myself off them without the help of the Mental Health Team at Claire House, was that I had been waiting months for a medication review, which never seemed to happen.  I had previously spoken to them about how the medication was making me feel, and they act like they didn't care, so it prevented me from reaching out again when I took myself off them.

I was on antipsychotic medication and anxiety and depression medication, and over the years of trying to get help, help never seemed to come. When I came off them, at first things were hard, I had about a week of becoming really emotional, from uncontrollable laughter to historically crying, but it soon passed. For a few months I was doing amazing, better than I had ever done before, I was eating healthy, exercising, sleeping well and regularly, and keeping on top of my mental health and my environment, until one day, things escalated. It was like I was in a cage inside my head and three other people were in control of what I was saying and what I was doing.

I knew what I wanted to say and do, but the three others were controlling what I was doing and what I said. It would calm down for about 30 minutes at night, and then it was back, I could feel bees under my skin I could feel the buzzing and walking, I was being told by a voice I had never heard before that I was only allowed to eat red foods, or the whole world would end, but if I ate red foods then I would become the devil. So I was going days without eating anything and when I did, I felt this awful disappointment and panic.

When I tried to talk to people when it was bad, I was struggling to get words out of my mouth, my body didn't feel like my own I didn't feel like me at all. The staff at my supported accommodation got in touch with Claire House to get a medication review,  as I was unwell and things were escalating, they gave me one 2 months away, so I had to take it into my own hands to medicate myself. Luckily I still had my old meds, so I started back up on the antipsychotics, and things started to ease and settle again.

I'm back on my medication now, and my medication review still hasn't happened. I'm experiencing terrifying nightmares that are making me fearful of sleeping but I have to sleep because I have been exhausted due to the disruption of sleep. Recovery North are finally trying to speed my meds review forward, my self-harm has become more frequent and I have no energy to engage in healthy activities.

If there wasn't such a long waiting list, I wouldn't have needed to try and fix my medication on my own, if the team involved in my medication would have helped me when I was struggling with them, then I wouldn't have chosen to come off them unsupported. If they actually had a functional working and better funded and staffed team, people wouldn't be suffering to access help and support and would feel heard and listened to, not distant and feel I have to take things into my own hands. I have felt let down, misunderstood and not heard by the mental health team in Wigan for a long time, things need to change. People are struggling and feel they cant talk because when they do, they get pushed down and end up feeling 50x worse.