"Mirena coil insertion (failed)"

Mirena coil insertion failed

I don’t know where else to put this. I’m seriously considering complaining to the hospital but I don’t know if I just had a bad experience or they did something wrong. 

A while ago I was referred to a gynae consultant to talk about having my tubes removed. I’m 100% one and done. Yes I’m 34in my 30s but I have issues with anxiety and childhood trauma. I love my daughter so much I want to cry - I don’t need another child. My partner supports this. But I’ve also had awful pms forever and have never got on with systemic hormonal contraceptives. The consultant refused the operation and they referred me instead for a Mirena. The consultant said insertion was simple and their colleague did dozens a day. Nothing to worry about. My periods would stop. My pms would be better. I hated the idea of a device inside me but I said I’d try it.

I arrived for the appointment. The dr thought I was there for removal - no, I corrected them, insertion. But I’d had them before? No. I said I was very scared. The doctor said it would hurt but couldn’t tell me how much. The nurse said we could stop any time. I asked what was going to happen - they said I’d get changed, get into a chair, then they’d insert it. I wanted more detail but I didn’t ask - I was terrified.

There were two other people in the room. I don’t know who they were. No one introduced them. They talked about local anaesthetic- I was preparing for an injection, but the doctor used a spray. It burned. Later the doctor wanted to use an injection but by then I was too far gone to make a good decision. The speculum felt like it banged into my cervix and the doctor asked me to lie still. The nurse tried to distract me with chat. I asked them to talk me through what they were doing and what was about to happen. They stopped telling me what was going on after the speculum was set.

Then I felt the most excruciating pain. It was a huge shock. Sharp and bruising. I jumped and cried out. Immediately I started crying and shaking. I don’t know what they were doing. Maybe it was the sound - The doctor later told me they had got as far as dilating the cervix. I don’t know.

I was shaking and crying. I desperately wanted to be brave and manage to withstand this. I'd been told my experience would be really down to how I handled the pain. I felt like I was failing. The nurse offered me gas and air - I didn’t like how it made me feel but I thought it would help. The dr wanted to give me an injection but I was so panicked I could let bear the thought. So they did more spray - then there was more pain. Sharp and tearing and hot and awful. I couldn’t stop shaking and started saying I'm so sorry I can’t, please stop. The nurse agreed it should stop - the dr said they didn’t want to continue and had to do it under sedation. I panicked saying I had to drive - I didn’t understand that she meant to put me on the list for a procedure under sedation.

The nurse was lovely but I was in shock. The nurse offered to make me tea but I refused - I wanted to run away. Then made me sit and drink water but all I wanted was to get dressed and leave. I felt violated and ashamed and I was in so much pain.

I walked to the car although I don’t really remember leaving the hospital - I got in and wept. Proper sobs. Drove home 30 minutes and spent most of the rest of the day crying. I took more painkillers and slept for an hour but I’m still in pain now and I’m exhausted. Every time I think about it I start crying and shaking  

I will never ever recommend this to any other women. I know everyone had different experiences but I am appalled at how invasive and brutal this process is.

 I’m done with having things done to me as a woman. I’m done with messing with my hormones and hurting my body so that I don’t get pregnant. I am angry and in pain. And I hope to help there are better options when my daughter grows up.