"An everyday tale"

I have drank lager and bitter since I was sixteen and have only just accepted that alcohol effected my moods albeit I believe that I have suffered with depression from being very young brought on by things that happened to me in my childhood days.  That is by the way. Drinking developed in me - I didn't drink everyday in my teenage years but tended to binge drink on the days I did. The industry in which I worked was well known for its workers participating in a good few pints. My parents both drank and socialised regularly it was the norm for me.

I married before I was twenty and my father in -law used to encourage me to go out with him, he drank everyday. You don't realise its taking you over but it was. We moved from my home town to the village my wife originated from and I moved my job to the same village colliery. It was all new workmates and friends all of them seeming to go out to the pubs and clubs in the village, everyone knew each other it was fun and I hadn't realised I was now drinking everyday.

Drink became a credo I was working 7 days a week many of them 12 hour shifts.  I'd earned a drink and deserved a drink was my excuse. This went on through decades. Recently I realised that most of the problems or trouble I had were caused through my alcohol consumption. I began to understand that my actions often through drink had caused much unhappiness in my family life, I also considered what I must have spent on drink through all those years. I then realised how much better life could have been for my children my wife and myself but for alcohol. Many life trials I have been through but always drink came first.

I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma cancer which had a profound effect on my future health.  I also lost my son to the dreadful heroin and other drugs plus alcohol. Still I carried on with the obsession alcohol becomes.

At 71 years of age I finally accepted that my depression which I was medicated for was never going to change whilst I continued to imbibe the lager.  My wife was at her wits end sick of my drinking as was one of my adult daughters.

I was introduced to CGL through my GP, to be honest on my first appointment I had no real intention of stopping drinking perhaps just to drink less and have a few days without it. I started attending the small group meetings, I felt ashamed of myself but soon realised all the others did, oddly some of the other attendees made comments on their situations and with the knowledge and guidance of the CGL counsellors/ advisors I began to realise I had to stop drinking.

As of today  I am 120 days sober, not a drop has passed my lips. I'm not saying its been easy because it hasn't been, and I'm still tempted by that little voice in my head most days but I managed to overcome the temptation. CGL has definitely given me the motivation to carry on, on this narrow road.

I'm scared I might lapse because I feel all my effort would have been wasted and also because I don't think I would be able to start again.  Going back to those days would be so bad for me and considering my health I think it would be a very speedy downward spiral. So I'll endeavour to keep on this road in the hope that I will gain more strength against this battle.

If you are reading and contemplating have a go.