"Precipitous Labour"

When my waters broke at home late at night, I telephoned the Maternity Unit and was advised to come up to be examined. We live 30 miles from the hospital. My labour progressed very quickly, upon arrival at the A&E carpark I was violently ill and having contractions every 1m30s. My husband went in to seek assistance. The nurse from A&E was fantastic and brought out a wheelchair and I was brought straight to the Maternity Unit. 

I was examined after approximately 25 minutes and was found to be in established labour at 4cm. My contractions felt like they were continuous without a break. I requested pain relief and was told I would be given the gas and air. From my memory I had to request this an additional 2 times before I was given it about 20 minutes later. I asked about the potential for using a birthing pool and was told no (no reason given). I requested stronger pain relief as the gas and air was no longer effective, and was told I would be given diamorphine. I wasn't told how long this would take, and I felt the pain at this point was no longer something I could cope with. I felt I wasn't being taken seriously. Less than an hour after my first examination, I felt the need to push. No diamorphine was given at this late stage. I asked if I could use the bathroom and I was told no (no reason given). I was examined and found to be 10cm dilated, and told to start pushing, I was still not permitted to use the bathroom and mortifyingly defecated when I started to push. I felt as though all my dignity had been taken away from me at this point. After 4 pushes my baby got in to fetal distress and her heart rate tanked after each pushing effort - I only know this after the buzzer was pushed and the room was filled with people. I was told I would need assistance to deliver my baby but was told don't worry we will numb you before we cut you. 

The obestrician, in one swift move injected then cut me. I wasn't informed that this is what would happen and naively thought i would be numbed as I was told. The searing pain that I felt will be something I will never forget.

My baby girl was delivered and all her apgar scores were thankfully reassuring. 

My labour was approximately 3h30m in duration and left me in a total state of shock. I don't even think the midwives looking after me were prepared (they were writing in my green book. A lot. And I felt my requests for pain relief were not taken seriously) A precipitous labour like the one I think I had is not information that is shared in any of the pregnancy booklets received at the booking appointment and to this day is still not in any updated versions. I felt wholly unprepared for labour.

I tried to breastfeed but found it excruciating, there is a lot of information about it, and I was told to make a record of her feeds, despite how exhausted and uncomfortable I was. When I said how painful it was, I was told to expect discomfort. I felt that with the information given and the plentiful notices about the importance of breastfeeding set me up for a heartbreaking failure when I couldn't establish breastfeeding and had to resort to bottle feeding. I felt that the information and posters was bordering on propaganda and made me feel like the worst failure of a mother when I already felt so vulnerable from the shocking delivery.

I was diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder as a result of the labour and the aftermath of my baby's first week. Whilst I received counselling to prepare for my second birth, I continue to have intrusive thoughts and nightmares about what happened, and feel that I have utterly failed my daughter by not breastfeeding her. The Birth to Five book dedicated c20 pages to breastfeeding and its importance and two pages to bottle feeding. Nothing about the mental toll that an unsuccessful breastfeeding journey that someone may experience.