"Self confidence, body image and relationship with food"

I was referred to the NHS Highland Dietetics and Nutrition team back in early 2022- I had expectations of being strictly told what to eat and when to eat it. I couldn't have been more wrong. 

I had my first appointment with Mairi not long after the referral was made, I was nervous because I knew I had to discuss my many disordered eating habits and really be honest about the issues I was having for the service to truly do anything for me. First appointments always feel so incredibly nerve-wracking, the fear of being judged or being told that you're un-fixable is a really distressing thought but Mairi was none of those things, not once did I feel judged or that she saw me as a lesser person because of the troubles I'd had. I felt instantly I could trust and open up to her, the space was safe and that it was going to be OK- no matter what I said. That's not a feeling I've often felt when speaking to a new health professional so it was a huge comfort. 

So many things about the early appointments surprised me, it really wasn't about what I should eat at that point, it was more reflection on where I'd been in my eating habits, the good and the bad. And, it wasn't just about food, there was a lot of focus put on my self-esteem, confidence and body image, but in a setting where I didn't feel like there was a great pressure on me to change too much too quickly, which historically had always been my problem when it came to weight management.

My first instruction was to eat three meals a day, which was such a hurdle it's difficult to put into words. I remember thinking of excuses- 'I'm not a person that's hungry in the mornings' or 'My work makes eating lunch difficult sometimes' I'd say- reflecting on it now Mairi could probably see through it but never pushed me for the truth, she let me figure out that they were excuses (and pretty poor ones) myself. Which honestly, is a metaphor for my entire experience. And soon, without too much strife, I was eating three meals a day and already was feeling more capable. 

There were so many micro-lessons and little habits that I formed through my time speaking with Mairi it's almost impossible to list them all - but in a way it's a good thing because everyone's journey is their own and what works for me may not work for anyone else. 

Despite the service being named a Weight Management service, there was never any push for me to step on the scales or to take measurements or to pay attention to the sizing of the clothing I was wearing- it was a really gentle and person-centric approach to my relationship with food and I honestly believe that if instead of this absolute nonsense diet culture that's been plaguing the world and instead taught children the importance of eating 3 meals a day, ensuring that they exercise regularly and employ patience on themselves when they 'mess up' or eat too much 'bad food' there would be much less of an epidemic of obesity and other weight-related disease/disorder or problems in general. 

I've gone off tangent which is common for me so back to the point. This service, has been invaluable for me. Mairi's coaching, support and oftentimes validation has been an absolute privilege to be in receipt of. With things as they are in the UK and with the NHS troubles I really felt writing about my experience and the help it's given me and the tools Mairi helped me realise I have in order to live my most content and balanced life might be a good idea. 

For some body image, weight management and confidence are no big challenge or issue, but I don't believe there to be many people who truly feel that way, and genuinely I feel as though Mairi could help anyone. She was always kind, genuine and beyond patient when I'd tell 3 separate small stories just for the context of why something equally small was important. 

In the fondest way, I hope to never speak to Mairi ever again, despite the joy it would bring me. I've been imparted with an un-shakeable sense of ability from her and I've no doubt she'll help others find it. 

So, thank you to Mairi and her colleague Deb who would book these appointments in for me and again show the same kindness and patience. Mairi had a couple of colleagues in sessions with her whom I don't remember the names of but I wish them all the luck in wherever their healthcare journey is taking them and hope that this service is something that can not only be kept, but grown so that the scope can be available to help more people. I feel very fortunate to have had this help and know that I can continue to support myself from here on out.