"There were times where I felt like a burden"

For around 2 weeks (from 37 weeks pregnancy), I was experiencing huge discomfort and felt that something wasn't quite right. After a few trips and stays at the hospital, it was clear that they are understaffed, and was told during a ward round experiencing a huge overload, hence why I feel like I was neglected during my stay. During one of the stays, nobody checked on me to see if I was OK. I almost felt like a burden to some staff and discharged myself due to my mental health declining throughout the night. I was losing strange fluid down below that worried me, and without checking it or taking bloods/urine samples, I was told it was normal. 

I insisted to the doctor on the ward round who examined me due to my pain that I didn't want another membrane sweep due to irritation and my worries. The doctor went ahead and did it without my consent. This made me very uncomfortable. I was then discharged home, where my waters then ruptured. I waited 1 hour in a waiting room, losing my dignity in front of others, waiting for huge periods of time. I was then seen and confirmed that my waters had gone. There was a conversation with the midwife who said that I should go home and wait for my contractions to pick up (previous c-section high risk pregnancy). Thankfully, doctors decided I should stay and broke my hind waters.

This doctor was more comforting. I then asked for pain relief as I was having back-to-back contractions and was told that I had to be 4 cm dilated to have gas and air, and that I could take paracetamol or hydrocodone until then. I proceeded to ask when I would next be examined and was told 4 hours from then. The pain was full throttle and immense, so I got the gas after around a hour. 

There was then a break where I had a nurse come on for a short time who made me feel more looked after and at ease during my pain. We looked at photos of my children and things felt more calm. Once this nurse left I requested an epidural. During the epidural process, my birthing partner took a dizzy turn so had to have a break. The midwife was not supportive during my contractions during the epidural, and there were times where again I felt like a burden and really struggled to stay in control of my body. While i was having the epidural fitted, the midwife was faffing around with my canula, making this procedure more traumatic than it should have been.

After a 15-hour long labour, I ended up exhausted and had a nasty infection and was then taken to an emergency c-section. The staff during this time where a lot better, I can't remember names but the anesthetists were amazing and the midwife on this shift was so supportive, held my hand throughout everything. 

I just wish the people at the end of my experience could have been there from the onset of my labour, this would have been a more positive experience. 

In my view, if you are not empathetic you should not be a doctor or midwife by any means. The big bulk of my experience has left me traumatised, and I will probably suffer for a long time due to the neglect I endured. 

Thanks to those who were there at the end. You have made my recovery a bit better than it could have been if I didn't have you there.