"I can’t be happy about my birth"

I feel that to be a midwife you must have some sort of compassion to all expectant mums, even more so the first time mums, however a couple of members of the team at the birthing centre in queens hospital did not seem to display this quality in their job role in their interactions with me. 

When I was admitted I saw the most amazing midwife, supportive, bubbly and reassuring, I also saw another midwife who told me I had meconium in my waters on my maternity pad and when I asked if that meant I had to go to the labour ward she shrugged her shoulders and left the room leaving me in tears. The other midwife came back and we explained what happened, she checked and said it wasn’t and that she shouldn’t have said that to me and not to worry. Unfortunately her shift ended during my stay but she did pop to see me to say goodbye and good luck. 

I had a new midwife for the daytime who seemed nice to begin with but by the time my contractions had ramped up she didn’t get my pain relief and went and sat at the desk outside and had to be asked again. That didn’t bother me too much to be honest but later on she said she was filling the birth pool to find she hadn’t and it was because it was coinciding with her shift ending, great. She did come and say goodbye and good luck to me though so I guess that was nice of her.

Unfortunately I was then under the care of the previous night’s midwife who scared me into thinking I had meconium in my water. Well, what stark contrast she was compared to everyone else I had met, cold, emotionless and when I was in absolute pain (keep in mind I’ve never felt this pain before in my life) I was told they were fed up with me, and getting a wheelchair and taking me to the labour ward - like a threat as if she knew I didn’t want to go there, all because I screamed out in pain and was crying that the gas and air wasn’t helping. She went off down the corridor muttering about me and told my husband not to speak for me even though I asked him to and it was in my notes. My mum had to go and tell another midwife how awful she was being to me and another midwife came in to “assist” which I take it means “make sure she doesn’t mess up and upset me”. The midwife that assures was firm with me but fair and not rude to me, I found her far more encouraging.

When I finally got into the birthing pool I found it very calming, the Midwife didn’t really help with my breathing or assisting when to push which resulted in a labial tear as I pushed when I shouldn’t have. My labial tear also wasn’t stitched after birth as she said it was “minor”, it wasn’t, it was the whole length of my labia and I was unable to stand for 3 weeks due to the pain. 

Once everything had been done (birth, 3rd stage, baby weighing, vaginal stitches and shower) we were told to go back to our other room when finished. That was the last we saw of that midwife again that evening (11pm) I saw no one else until 7am and had to wheel my baby and belongings back to my room myself and was left with this tiny human on my own and no clue if I’d be seeing anyone anytime soon.

The ladies the next day we’re brilliant. I’m devastated this midwife made my birth something I can’t be happy about and I can’t understand how somebody could do it day in and day out and act like that. 

I hope if I have another child I don’t encounter the same “care” again.