"Poor Decisions"

I was diagnosed bi polar in 2013 . I was never a big drinker up to this point, but I became Tea Total at that point. I did everything I was advised over next 5 years . Meds , no alcohol , exercise, good diet . 

I was known by health team ? For being independent, and for not reaching out, at one point I was told off for not approaching when I really needed it ? 

My psychiatrist appointments were 4 months apart , all periods of being suicidal , emotionally beaten , and sick of trying , I pushed on with no help .  

I retired last year after 30 years , and the change drained me , mentally and physically.  

For same period , I constantly planned how , where , and when I’d end my pain . I struggled , fought ! But luckily went on .

Waiting patiently for an appointment that was already 5 months apart . 

While feeling lost , overwhelmed , suicidal , I get a letter cancelling my appointment and making an another a month. later ?

I stayed calm . And asked politely for this to be reconsidered ? 

After a long detailed phone conversation ? Was told multi disciplinary meeting on Wednesday would discuss my case and make a decision ? 

No phone call ? A letter nearly a week later ? A decision has been made by the multi disciplinary team ? Unfortunately can’t change your appointment ? 

But it’s recommended you visit addiction services at Caley Court Stevenson ? To seek help .?

I was open and honest ? I said I have been drinking more regularly in the last month ? 

I do no have any addictions ...it’s in my records for years that I am / was tea total ?

I am gutted and disappointed that this conclusion was made on a whim ? Had I succeeded in ending my life ? 

Would everyone in that meeting be able to say ? With integrity? We made the right decision ? 

My psychiatrist has been a huge positive support to me . No doubt . 

But I would like to know the input of the other team members ? 

My conversation , that was recorded on an iPhone app . Consisted off.

* Unable to sleep for past few months . 

* Unstable / unpredictable moods . That were seriously extreme . 

* Outburst of aggressive , unreasonable behaviour .

* Loss of interest in daily life . 

* Violent thoughts and images that I can’t seem to control .

* A 999 call after taking an overdose . 

* A fear of socialising 

* Fear and anxiety that prevented me picking my kids up from school .

* A feeling that each day was unbearable, and to much of a struggle . 

* Suicidal ideation. 

 My question ? How can a reasonable conclusion to this call be no appointment?

And referral to addiction services?

*My medical records clearly state , no alcohol or drugs , I worked for 30 years ?. 

I admitted over a short period I had been drinking more than usual ? 

But why from ALL this information was the conclusion made ? 

Team work