"Miscarriage"

I came into the hospital with spot bleeding. Waited anxiously for what felt like an eternity to be seen, finally got seen was told it was normal to have spot bleeding during pregnancy and that pregnancy test showed up still postive. I said how I’ve read that a pregnancy test can still show up positive even after you have lost the baby because the hormone is still present in your body to give a postive test to which the midwife replied yes....and a silence, I asked if I could have a scan done. She told me there was no scans avaible after asking again managed to get one to which I was so relieved at. 

Had my scan and was told it was a healthy baby and they could see the heart beat I was overcome with joy I burst into tears. The person who did the scan told me to go back upstairs when I got up I waited again and finally got called in by a midwife to which the conversation still haunts me she told me more or less that if I was to have another bleed to go see my gp not to come back here that I had basically used up my scan and my next scan there would be my 12week scan!

After getting such amazing news that my baby was alive something about that conversation tinged my happiness and I couldn’t shake it.

That evening I felt blood get heavier I ran to the toilet and felt a sensation like I was passing something I looked between my legs and saw a large blood clot coming out! With shock I put my hand into the toilet and tried to sieve through the cloth to see any resemblance of a baby but couldn’t find any. The though of flushing my baby down the toilet made me so upset. 

That night I went to bed knowing I had lost my baby but part of me didn’t want to loose hope just in case. I asked my husband to get our kids ready the next morning as I felt so low and after the last conversation with the midwife at Barnsley hospital I felt like I couldn’t get help either.

To make a long story short I went to a different hospital for a scan which confirmed I had lost the baby.

I will never forget the way that midwife made me feel at Barnsley hospital. I will never know why someone with zero compassion is in a job which requires the most compassion.