"Do not be scared to reach out and ask for help..."

I was in a very dark place.  I guess I had underlying issues which had been with me for years, but the loss of my beloved mum to cancer and a marriage breakup tipped me over the edge.   I was nervous, anxious, scared of the world, I didn't trust my own instincts anymore and felt like the world was out to get me.  I was finally brave enough to contact my GP who prescribed anti-depressants and put me on the waiting list for some counselling.  It took a long time coming and during those months I fell deeper and deeper into what I have come to call the darkside.  I was scared to start counselling, scared to open up to somebody, what if this new person didn't "get me" or they judged me, like I felt everybody else was doing?

The initial counselling session arrived and I was as nervous as hell.  I tried my hardest to open up but i was a wreck.  The counsellor, Sarah, made a big decision. After our initial session she felt that she wasn't really the right person to help me and I needed support from somebody that could help me go deeper. Bring forward a new load of demons!  Bigger anxiety, more fear, I actually felt that I was too crazy for her to help me and therefore she needed to transfer me to somebody that was more specialised in my level of "craziness".  I was expecting a room with a couch and straps and a white jacket ready to be strapped into... however I was faced with Steve.....

After being in a very abusive relationship, I was initially scared of the thought of being supported by a man, not that I was scared he would hurt me, I was scared that my partner would hurt me for allowing him to help me.

There were alarm bells ringing all the time, I knew that the type of relationship that I was in wasnt right but I didnt quite know what was happening to me.  I wasnt "brave" enough to get out, I didnt feel "strong" enough to walk away.  I had lost touch of who I really was, scared to be alone, completely reliant on the one person I needed to get away from.  Friends had tried for months to help me but they were fighting a losing battle, I couldn't be helped until I was ready to be.

Steve entered my life at just the right time, and yes he "got me".  During our first session, I felt as though he was a mind reader, he could read me, he knew what was happening to me without me needing to tell him, he knew what I needed in order to be "fixed" and how to do it.  I thought we were at the start of a very long journey, but I was wrong.  We worked together for only 4 sessions, a few of which ran way over time and I put in lots of effort behind the scenes, reading articles and watching videos on things we had discussed during our sessions.

Each week I grew to like myself a little bit more. I managed to get away from the relationship I was in, not because I did it myself, he left me, however I had the new strength not to chase after him, I was learning that I did not "need" him in my life. I was able to start a new job, with a clean slate. I had been the victim of narcissistic abuse for nearly 2 years and it had knocked every single ounce of "me" out of me. I felt useless and worthless. Slowly, Steve rebuilt me and now, here I am.

Yes, Im going to have some vulnerable days,  but with the help and support I was given, I know that I can get through them.  I really feel as though I went through the darkness in order to find the light.  My life has changed immensely.  I am honestly learning to like myself.

I owe huge, enormous thanks to both Sarah and Steve.  Yes it was Steve that helped me with my demons but it was Sarah who took the incredibly wise decision to refer me to him. Without them, I could honestly say I would not be where I am now.  

Do not be scared to reach out and ask for help, you never know what might happen. You too might learn to move forward and turn your life around....