"Thank you somehow just isn't enough"

I discovered a lump quite by chance after bumping myself with the tea tray. Seen under the 2week rule at Good Hope Hospital. I had recently prior to this had a normal mobile mammogram and had NOT found the lump in self exam undertaken monthly.

After various test and biopsies the diagnosis was confirmed with spread to my axillary lymph nodes. Treatment began early December 2017. Everyone I had contact with at the hospital in all the various departments were extremely kind caring and very gentle in their approach to me.

During the Chemo stage the start of treatment for me I did spend time in hospital due to effects of the chemo. The wards and the staff thereof are all exactly the same, kind caring and gentle. I have been extremely blessed that I found the lump in the first instance then that it was treatable and now after treatment is complete following surgery and radiotherapy that I had such an excellent response I am now in remission.

No one can say how long for if or when this wretched disease will return but I am truly thankful and forever grateful to all the remarkable staff I was so very fortunate to be cared for by. I would say to anyone never be frightened  and put your trust in them for they not only give the very best up to date treatment they go above and beyond in care and support.

When first diagnosed my 2 emotions were firstly overwhelming sadness akin to death of a loved one and coupled with sheer terror that the disease had already gone elsewhere from my lymph nodes. Not death as such for myself but sadness for my husband. They say it's ok to be angry I never once felt angry or why me for really why NOT me? You want to run away but of course there is no where to run to it would still be there with you no you just adapt  I think and then you fight. Trying hard to quieten that nagging doubtful voice that pops up so often and when you least expect it.

Well meaning nice people many times say how brave you are and how inspirational you are but you're not at least I'm not, then or now. I see it Simply as you have NO choice you knuckle down slap a smile on and get on with it always just trying to do the best you can and hope for the best that's all any of us can do. It's not easy and tears are shed for the life you had but that's gone. Yet you just get up each new day and get through each day the best you can no matter how Ill you feel from the treatment or how low you feel in yourself you persevere because that all there is and all these professionals who are caring for you and countless others just like you do so want you to survive.

I had a complete pathological response my Breast Care Nurse Specialist informed me following my final M. R. I scan after Chemo finished and she said to me that at that meeting of all the various interdisciplinary team everyone was so happy and just joyful she said clapping and cheering. So whilst the life I once had has gone for the moment I do still have a life and I owe this to the team who gave me all they had treatment wise and above and beyond in  T L C. Thank you somehow just isn't enough.