"Nearly sent over the edge by experience with..."

Phoned to cancel an appointment at the Caludon Center because my problem is that I'm unable to leave the house, having panic attacks, etc so CAN'T bring myself to go.

Was called back by mental health staff .. Tried to explain what problems I was having and why I couldn't go to the hospital. Was abruptly told I was being referred to the crisis team. Crisis team called me later that evening. A lady on the phone was asking me questions and then continually interrupting as I was trying to answer her.

It was a bizarre, and highly frustrating interaction. At the end of the call I was advised a referral saying I was paranoid and hearing voices had been made!!! (yes I was hysterical after hearing that, hence the 3 exclamation marks) This translation came from my statement 'my inner critic is out of control'..Yes I said the voice inside my head, but in way that it was my own inner voice, and if I hadn't made it clear before I tried to make it clear to lady on the phone, who was adamant that she was not going to listen to me. I was so upset I called the crisis team number, I spoke to a lovely gentleman, He fully understood what I meant, His responses were appropriate and reassured me that I had probably spoken to the booking service so a misinterpretation had occured and I was not to worry. I spoke to him for a short while, had a normal coherent conversation, advised him of the work I had been doing, and that I was beginning to understand my own trauma, depression, self criticism etc and after our conversation he agreed that I seemed to have gained a lot of insight and he could see I had been doing a lot of work. (There was no patronisation, it was just a normal conversation) So the next day 6 hours early than arranged 2 members of the crisis team turned up at my home. I was asked some questions, encouraged to open myself up and discuss some things with them (so put in a vulnerable state) First of all I was told I just needed to put it all behind me...(no what I need is to process the trauma, because it's paralysing for me) Considering he hadn't had time to gain enough information of the extent of what I've been through, I felt this was rather flippant. Then I was asked if I thought maybe I was just paranoid, I prefer to say my trust in people has gone. I felt like everything I tried to explain was just being brushed aside, trivialised and invalidated. Then the voices I was hearing came up again, which I categorically denied (I am not hearing voices) his response, what really? what never? . My inability to leave the house was translated to an 'UNWILLINGNESS' to accept the help that could be offered (IAP, who have already told me I need counselling) and my doctor would be informed of this. I was so traumatised afterwards

I phoned the samaritans (questions going through my mind...was I going mad? is what I'm saying that crazy? < no not voices) Thankfully I spoke to a lovely lady who had no problem understanding me and some normality was restored