"Rude and condescending"

After weekly appointments with my doctor, I finally cracked and broke down saying I couldn't go on anymore like this and had a back up plan when it gets so bad and I can't cope. My doctor has been so supportive through it all. The psychiatric services never replied with an appointment time and date for me and they ignored him even though he contacted weekly! Shocking.

Anyway, he printed off documents from my A&E visit one time and my medical history and his referral note. Just in case they had not received it. And he instructed me to go straight to the psychiatrist to be seen today by a duty professional. So, I went on my way and was seen after only a 30 minute wait, which was impressive.

But, I found the nurse quite rude initially. I had confidence and hope going there because I had a referral etc. so knew I had to get help that day. I broke down again within seconds of talking just saying I can't live like this, with no support in place minus my doctor and partner (one not a medical professional and one who cannot dispense mood stabilisers). Then she just goes "tissues are there" (not in a nice way) whereas before my doctor grabbed them and was very sympathetic listening (I hate crying in front of people anyway and try and control it as much as I can). After, I handed her the documents and said why I am here. She goes "we have already seen this and you have an appointment" and I said "well... my doctor and I have heard nothing in response and he gave me these just in case you hadn't seen the referral". She came back saying I was to be seen 8th June! (I understand this place is really underfunded where I am located and stuff) just annoying that my doctor had been trying to reach them for weeks to see if it can be brought forward and they ignored him.

As I went on talking, I mentioned the suicidal thoughts and why he sent me there (as I said how I would do it). And she goes "well there is a difference between saying it and doing it" and I was so shocked a medical professional said that. And I just said "there is a distinction between suicide ideation and suicidal thoughts/plans and have experienced both". And in this case it has gone beyond suicidal ideation. Hence, I do not feel safe or in control of myself at the moment and need help. So, asked what I wanted from them and I said medication. I am on nothing at the moment and waiting an assessment for Bipolar next week - so clearly need a mood stabiliser, urgently.

Anyway, she spoke to someone and they got me to talk to a psychiatrist and he couldn't dispense anything until I had a clinic assessment and they pushed it to 4th May and gave me 14 valium tablets to take over the course of 8 days. And at the end he goes "if you're not going to overdose on them that is" and smirked and giggled a bit... which was really unprofessional and kind of making mockery of it all.