"Rubislaw Ward - Amazing staff"

We finally got our postive pregnancy test after 15 months of trying an countless appts and procedures with fertility clinic 

We were over the moon, excited, terrifed and shocked due to the history of negatives on the tests. About 10 tests later we finally believed it!

A small amount of spotting appeared a few weeks later. Many say it was normal but i wanted to be sure

I got an appt through the ward for a ultrasound. A full bladder that day was awful  turns out i didnt need it. Baby measured too small but everything fine. 

The sonographer  Jo was fantastic and we couldnt fault her. She didnt lead us into a false sense of hope and said lets re scan in a weeks time which was a relief. Nobody knew what was happening

The following week no full bladder required much to mine and my partners delight. I went on the bed and got ready. A few minutes later Jo said i can see a heartbeat! It was a very slow one but it was amazing to see the little flicker on the screen. Again baby was measuring small and only grew a small amount in 1 week

We went away with our scan photo of our wee baby and were told to come back in a week. By this point we knew things would be 50/50 and we tried to stay postive but we ultimantely knew the  outcome and prepared ourself for the worst. 

Our 3rd scan came along quickly and a trainee sonographer was getting shown the ropes by Jo. We were preparing ourselfs for the worst and after a few minutes of silence Jo took over the machine. The words il never forget arrived 'im so so sorry theres no heartbeat' was like a knife through the heart. It was difficult to process everything but i knew that deep down i couldnt of done anything different and it was natures way of saying things arent ready and when its ready it will be worth it! 

I stayed strong.  Knowing i could get pregnant was a relief. The statstics of miscarriage are quite high with 1 in 4 women miscarrying

 Unfortunately something that isnt well spoken about.

Jo was a fanastic sonographer and we couldnt fault her. To break the news of that kind she has a heart of gold. You put our mind at ease and we knew we were in safe hands with you throughout the scans. 

We were then put in a room where we were met by the lovely Sophie the midwife. She went through everything with myself and my partner. Answering difficult questions and being there through our difficult time. You were caring, thoughtful and amazing at your job. We went through the procedures and i opted for the oral tablets and to be at home to help things progress. We were reminded that any questions we had or concerns that they were only a phone call away.

The dreaded next day came. Sophie our midwife was on again. It was a relief to have the same person as your midwife as i felt i wasnt thrown around to different people. 

She went through paperwork and the process. She didnt seem rushed and stayed with us for as long as needed. 

The tablets kicked in about 5 hours later when i started bleeding. Cramping wasnt my best friend but the pain killers were. 

Unfortunately things werent progressed as we wanted and we had a scan 2 days later that showed things were still there

A 2nd lot of tablets defiently was too much.

By the time i got home i was in alot of pain i had to be admitted back into hospital

The midwifes on shift day and nighy were fantastic. They supported me and comforted me.

I passed my baby in that evening it was the hardest thing i have ever done. My heart was broken. The midwife on nightshift went over what to do with our baby. The hardest decision as  parents was to decide that our baby would be cremated. The midwife was supportive over my decision and helped me over everything. Any questions was answered professionally

Without the care and kindness shown from everybody throughout our journey myself and my partner we honestly would be at a dead end looking lost. They made a horrible few weeks into a calmer one. To know we were in safe hands made the journey a smooth one.  

We got an ultrasound of our beautiful baby on our 2nd visit. One we will treasure forever and will be put in a memory box. 

Thank you all so much for everything you have done for us, it hasnt been an easy one and it defiently a hard one for you ladies being in this job. To everybody we dealt with briefly throughout our journey, keep up your wonderful job cause you make us proud of the NHS. Its not an easy one and being part of the NHS i can see the strain and pressure it puts on us. However you ladies rise above it and go beyond this. Please keep up the fantastic work.