"So from what the counsellor said, it was my fault?"

I have been getting a lot of dizzy spells & chest pains, well I've had these for years but only until recently have they been getting worse. I had to leave my second job at a farm due to it because the dizzy spells would get so bad I'd start to feel sick. I began to feel tired and noticed when I got upset or any sort of stress would make me feel incredibly light headed/drunk-like! I went to the nurse here in wragby and she tested for everything it could possibly be, including heart problems and anemia. But everything came back fine. So she referred me to the doctor, in the appointment we sat and spoke about when it began. I realised it began when I had bad phases in my life, this made sense to me in ways as things got worse the 'anxiety' had (only a year ago I had to leave a job due to sexual abuse and bullying). I feel fine mentally, but it is still effecting me mentally. Anyway the doctor was brilliant, the most supportive any one has been yet, and he suggested counselling and that I may get CBT if needed.

I went to Connect in Horncastle, and the counsellor said I was 'not mental' and I didn't need any help. The hour long session lasted 25 mins and thier assessment involved speaking about their children and art work? I don't understand how pyscho-analysis works, but left feeling quite dissatisfied. A lot has been dug up again that I don't want to remember, and for what, for some one to tell me it’s because I made a bad choice of school? And that all these things have happened to me because I am 'better'? I believe everyone is an equal, and am shocked a psychiatrist didn't feel this same way too. After so long convincing myself the things that have happened are not my fault, I've been told actually it is.

I know you don't go to counselling for a friend, and I know I am not 'mental' but all I need is for some one to talk to and work through things with me. I am very thankful for the doctors advice, and how supportive he was, it took a big step for me to talk to my doctor about it.

In future I do not think I'll be going to counselling through the nhs, I will save and spend my own money to get the help I desire.

The counsellor is writing to my doctor to say there's no need for me to go for help... I felt as though I had just wasted precious time.