"This is too important to get wrong."

My pregnancy was confirmed by a pregnancy test at home and with the nhs due date facility, our baby’s due date was calculated as early May 2018.

My dating scan was booked for the early November, during week 13 of the pregnancy. 

I had no concerns until one weekend in October when I felt unwell and was concerned for the baby. This resulted in my mother calling maternity triage on my behalf. However, without asking as much as my name or if i had any medical conditions etc. we were told because the baby was less than 12 weeks and this occurred prior to the dating scan  they could not assist. A number for out of hours was provided should my symptoms have worsened. 

My hope was that i would have been seen by maternity triage and the baby would have been scanned, however this was not the case.

6 days later I contacted triage again, this time due to spotting which started that day. The member of staff was really unsympathetic and unhelpful and provided no reassurance whatsoever in terms of why I might be spotting or if or should it subside etc. I had to ask questions to try and get any information. I was simply told the blood had to be bright red with painful cramps not just cramps. I was given another phone number and not informed of which department that related to but told to phone that number if it was an emergency. 

The final time I contacted maternity triage was a further 4 days later, in the evening. By this time the spotting, which had continued, changed to bright red blood. This caused me much stress and concern. The staff member at maternity triage this time was very nice and explained they could not help due to me not having had my scan however they provided a number for ward 8.

I spoke with a nurse and for the first time I felt someone was actually interested. They gave clear advice to us in terms of what do when, and if things changed, in a measurable form and advised due to our scan being in two days I would not be scanned prior to that unless further changes presented. 

On the day of the scan, the ultrasound was not conclusive however indicated the baby had not grown or developed and was not measuring at 13 weeks. We were devastated and were told to go back in 2 weeks to have the ultrasound repeated to confirm this was the case, by measuring the size of the sac. The sonographer was amazing in the circumstances and gave us the opportunity to speak with someone from the early pregnancy screening unit.

At that time we were so upset and in shock we decided to wait until the next scan to speak with them, when we were able to think more clearly. We were given a booklet about bleeding in early pregnancy and read the leaflet for the first time the following day. This is when we learnt that the early pregnancy screening unit is for women from 6 to 14 weeks pregnant who have concerns and experience symptoms which I had. Not one person aforementioned had ever mentioned such a unit existed or what its purpose was.

From the same leaflet we read about miscarriage and what the options were. 

2 days later, in the evening, horrendous pain started in my lower abdomen. I was so scared, having never experienced pain like it my life. After 5 hours of ongoing excruciating pain and continual bleeding my husband call ward 6 as the leaflet advised. We were advised to go to the ward where the nurses were great, and we were seen by a doctor at 0600 hours who prescribed strong pain relief and completed a vaginal examination.

The doctor confirmed I had not miscarried and my cervix was closed. I was sent home where the severe pain continued to cripple me and at 0930 I passed the remains of the baby. It was horrific and my husband and I were not prepared at all for the gruesome and traumatic reality of what occurred.

I understand everyone is different and no two people are the same however we were shocked by the reality of the miscarriage and felt someone should have told us what to expect, not to mislead parents and only say it can present as a heavy period with clots as the early bleeding leaflet states. Fortunately myself and my husband had looked up the internet at pictures of what a miscarriage looks like, and as upsetting as it was at least we had an idea what the remains would look like. 

Finally had we not have went to ward 6, prior to the miscarriage at home, we would not have received information about the different options available after a natural miscarriage, and in all honesty I would have flushed the remains down the toilet not realising there were options for us to have the baby cremated or buried.

How many other people don't know about this option because their circumstances were different to ours. Having to return to ward 6 with the remains was difficult. Despite a whole change in staffing, I cannot praise the doctor and nurses enough who dealt with us. 

The information contained within both leaflets must be known to everyone who is in our position. 

Thank god the events occurred for us as they did and we will have our little baby cremated and have the ashes with us forever. This is too important to get wrong.