"Ealing IAPT 1:1 Therapy sessions"

My levels of anxiety started to grow in 2015 and became progressively worse in December 2016. Following 2 anxiety attacks in April 2017, I realised that I needed help and went to see my GP. This in itself was a big thing as mental illness was always something that happened to other people, not me. I was afraid of the stigma and not being believed by my GP. I was determined not to have medication.

My GP agreed to put me forward to counselling but advised on a 4 month waiting list, which broke my heart. I did not know how I was going to cope for the next 4 months in my current state on mind. I was persuaded into taking anti-depressants in the meantime but following horrendous side effects which made me feel worse than I did without the tablets, I decided to stop taking them (with my GP's consent).  

I realised that a 4 month waiting list is actually better than other areas of the country and took up yoga and walking for an hour everyday, which made the waiting bearable. When I was first contacted by Ealing IAPT to begin therapy sessions, I was exhausted from fighting to hold myself together for so long. I actually had to wait 3 months for my first session, not the predicted 4 months.

I was told that the CBT course was 6 weeks, which made me panic. How was I meant to get better in 6 weeks? Surely that's not long enough? Safarina, my practitioner, was very approachable and understanding. Ealing IAPT provided a safe environment and a person who allowed me to express all my feelings, good and bad, without laying any judgment. I received a level of understanding and willingness to help from Safarina that I was not able to get from anyone else, even my GP. After our sessions each week, I was slowly beginning to feel better.

There is 'homework' involved which helps you to address the anxiety, which I was willing to do. I use the term 'homework' loosely as it was not very time consuming or difficult to do. The IAPT service will only work if you want it to, the practitioners can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. I was desperate to go back to my old life and not be in a constant state of anxiety which had taken over everything, so was willing to do whatever activities they wanted me to do.

The most valuable element for me was Worry Time. I had read about it on the internet when googling self-help treatments in my 3 month wait but it confused me, I didn't understand it. Reading about it and having someone explain and answering your questions are very different. I wasn't convinced when Safarina first explained it to me but now I am 100% converted. I can confidently say that Worry Time helped me to gain control of my life by taking me out of a constant state of anxiety and is now my 'go to' activity when things start to get too much.

Before I knew it, 6 weeks had gone and I felt like a different person. For me, the sign of my progression was comparing my first meeting with Safarina where all I did was cry and my last meeting where I didn't feel the need to cry as I was in control of my emotions. I was left reassured that my involvement in this service would not show on any medical checks done by employers and that I was able to come back to Ealing IAPT if I ever felt like I needed to. They were not closing the door on me completely.

I work in HR and have had to deal with employees with mental health issues but my own personal experience and the help from Ealing IAPT have made me become a better manager as I have a deeper level of understanding to support where required. I am not cured of my anxiety, that will take time.

What Ealing IAPT has been able to do is stop it taking over my life and teaching me how to control my anxiety and not let it control me. I understand that there will always be situations that increase my anxiety levels, but Safarina has taught me to use techniques like Worry Time to make sure that I remain in control of my anxiety. I would not be where I am today without Safarina and Ealing IAPT providing this invaluable service for which I am forever grateful.