"Termination at 16 weeks due to fetal abnormality"

Last year me and my husband were given the devasting news at our 12 week scan that there was a possibility that our much wanted unborn baby may have Downs Syndrome. We used our savings to have a private blood test and a week later it was confirmed 99.9% that our baby did in fact have T21. I was 14 weeks. After a week of extreme devastation and soul searching my husband and i made the heartbreaking desicion to terminate the pregnancy. Please dont judge me for this as it was the hardest thing i have ever been faced with. This baby would have been my fourth child but due to our own current circumstances it felt to me the kindest desicion to make.

After our desicion was made i spoke with the

BPAS on the phone and explained my situation, from this first call i was instantly put at ease and explained to fully and clearly my options with complete compassion and and kindness. I chose to opt for a surgical termination with preperation of the cervix before hand. This involved inserting two small tablets inside my vagina 4 hours before surgery to soften the cervix. I was booked in the following saturday from that first call. I would be 16 weeks plus 5 days.

That saturday morning i cannot even express how terrified and guilty i felt! I had somehow convinced myself i would not wake up from the general anaesthetic as a punishment for what i was about to do.

The drive to Portsmouth from Southampton seemed like an eternity! My husband and i sat mostly in complete silence. On arrival to the clinic it was clear my notes had been read as the receptionist greated me and my husband with warmth and kindness. We were taken straight through to a small room together bypassing it seemed everyone else, and the procedure for the day was again explained fully and clearly with the upmost compassion by the kindest midwife who was specialised in termination due to fetal abnormality. I was suprised and very much relieved to be told my husband would be able to stay with me througout the day due to our circumstances. My husband has since said that his main anxiety about the whole thing was leaving me alone that day to go through it alone. We were seen as a couple who needed to go through this together and were not forced apart at any time. We were given privacy through rhe 4hour period of waiting for my cervix to soften in a cubical behind closed curtains. Im sure some of the other women patients wondered why i had my partner with me and they were not allowed. It was time for me to go to theatre, still at this point believing i would not wake up again!, i looked at my husband like it was the last time i would ever see him. My hand was held by an angel of a nurse as i drifted off to sleep.

I did wake, (obviously) and after a short time of obsevation taken back through to the ward. My husband waiting. I left the clinic later that day extremely grateful to the all the nursing and reception staff. They made the worst day of my life bearable. The kindness was exceptional!