"Skillful handling of wishes about end of life"

I was visiting my 91 year old mother in Perth Royal Infirmary. She said to me that she would really like to die.

As I was leaving a two nurses asked me how I found my mum. I said she was fine, but she had said that she would like to die. One of the nurses then said that she had said that to her as well. They then told me that this kind of information could be put on the patient's record so that they would not be resuscitated if they experienced a health crisis.

How could we go about getting that information on the file, I asked. "We could arrange for you to speak with a doctor about it." They went off and told me that a doctor would be on shift the next morning and he would be happy to see me about it.

The next day I checked in with the staff to see the doctor and was told that he would come to the bedside to get me. When he came, my mum asked what we were going to talk about and she wanted to be part of it.

I found the doctor's language skillful. He said that he didn't think there would be a health crisis during this hospital stay, but there could be in the future, and how would my mum want that to be dealt with? The staff could work hard to preserve life, or they could focus on keeping her comfortable. My mum was clear that she would prefer the second option. He said that he would record this on her patient notes so that all staff would know that was what she wanted.

I was very grateful for the nurses - they were genuinely checking with me about how I found my mum. They understood and took seriously the issue I raised and they acted to make the difference that was needed. I also found the sensitivity and the skill of the doctor very helpful. It was a genuine relief to be able to tell other members of the family about what had happened.