"Miscarriage Forth Valley 7.5 weeks"

I found out in January I was expecting. Due to a serious trauma a few years back I guess my reaction wasn't complete elation but to remain grounded in case things didn't go as planned. Our parents knew and were elated, more so my partners first time grand parents and for weeks everyone just kept saying to me stay positive all will be fine, but it’s like I knew from day 1 it wasn't going to go as planned. deep down.

So... Mid feb I started to get niggles by this point I just seen my midwife and due to the past trauma I had been assigned to 3 midwifes, a consultant, a anaesthetist and my GP. I didn't have any bleeding, spotting, (serious pain) but I was concerned. Early pregnancy brought me in for a scan... and there on the screen was a healthy baby 7 weeks 2 days with a strong heartbeat at that point that guard I held up dropped a little.. I know I shouldn't have so early but I bought a wee nightlight, and as the weeks went by I started looking at names and starting to think maybe everything was going to be ok.

A few days after the scan at 7 weeks my knickers were soaking with clear fluid so I started to wear a pad, I called early pregnancy and was told  Don't worry that's normal, I don't have bleeding, pain or clotting, they scanned me at 7 wks 2 days and I’m not ectopic so I’m fine. So I just got on with things and As the weeks went by I had downloaded a baby app on my phone and each week brought excitement a week closer to my 12 week scan on the 21st March...

Last week just after 10 weeks I went for lunch, having been through a serious trauma and experienced unbearable pain I struggle to work out what many were warning me if you have this pain you will know its serious (to me was like a normal period)! I started to cramp, I took my friend home, got in the house, and curled up in ball in pain....It was horrible but I could manage. I called early pregnancy and AGAIN I was told I was scanned at 7wks 2 days, I’m not ectopic, I’m not bleeding or clotting. They just advised me just take paracetamol and lie down.

Brown spotting and small clotting started two/three days later AGAIN I called concerned...and AGAIN  I was told, you don't have (heavy) bleeding, (large) clotting or pain AND AGAIN they told me I was not ectopic and the scanned me at 7wks 2 days. I was told that if I experienced heavy bleeding then I was to call them back. SO I tried to remain positive, Breasts were still sore, Tummy was growing.

The next day I went to work.. As I wiped more brown blood and clotting came away but I seen a tinge of red and I just knew. I called and AGAIN 'and I was given the message that they know I am concerned but I’m not in (Major) pain, (Heavy) bleeding or passing (Large) clots and I’m not Ectopic, to the point I snapped. I said I phoned them last week, I phoned them a few days back, I phoned them last night... 1 1/2 a week away from my 12 week scan or not I need to be seen.

I attended FVRH by myself and as I sat in the waiting room I met another nervous mummy, she came out and luckily her baby was all ok 13 weeks and beautiful... the nurse who seen me before the scan AGAIN told me not to worry, I am not ectopic.. Next it was me as I lay down and the gel was put on the U/S Nurse looked at what was supposed to be my baby one week away from its dad seeing it on a 12 week scan. As soon as I saw it I just knew, a tear rolled down my cheek as the nurse asked how far along I was supposed to be, 10 and a half weeks. First time mum or not I knew what it was supposed to have looked like, she measured twice and there it was... You’re only measuring 7. 5 weeks, I am so so sorry. There is no heartbeat.

My baby passed 3 days after the scan, 3 days after a scan that confirmed I was not ectopic, It wasn't meant to be.

I’m not sharing my experience to scare anyone but I want people to feel strong enough to ask to be seen if they are concerned. Being seen any earlier would not have prevented my outcome but what it would have prevented would have been a week away from introducing my baby to its Dad, longing for the 12 week scan, which they were prepared to leave me until, from being so wary to finally coming around to reality. From not having a maternal instinct to falling in love slowly.. I now can only imagine the heartbreak of all who have endured miscarriage.

I am not happy with the services Forth Valley have provided, they ensured me support was there but when I reached out 4 times, every time because I did not meet their list of concerning symptoms I was turned away, I was not listened to when I knew there was something wrong, I understand they cannot just scan everyone who is worried, but I believe that from my medical history they should have known I was at high risk. This was never discussed. The outcome could not have been prevented but the time scale in which I was left alone, upset and scared felt ridiculous. Just because you have a scan in which you are not ectopic does NOT mean everything is likely to be ok. No one bar the midwife seemed to have my correct medical history, I was to be referred to a consultant, GP, anaesthetist and 3 midwifes at 12 weeks, that care which due to medical history I needed came far too late and I think given the history It should have been noted I was high risk.

I also understand the PROTOCOL which seems all too important at Forth Valley Royal. I am now 2 and a half weeks miscarried with a dead baby still in my stomach, they have refused any treatment until they scan me again on Tuesday, and asked me to collect all tissues and bring it in? INDEED I WILL NOT I am a grieving mother and the last thing I want to do is collect dead tissue from my toilet, I understand why you want me to do this but as a sufferer of Post traumatic stress and Borderline personality with a vast Mental Health History, of which again they have failed to even acknowledge, I refuse to pick up remains of my dead baby and bring it in.

I have then been advised they will try the tablets and failing that I shall have to go through a d&c and as waiting times are long. I also understand it’s a difficult experience for anyone but I don't need to hear that from the doctors. It’s my experience, why refer to other people? I have NOTHING good to say about the care I received at FVRH and would not wish to go there in future regarding pregnancy.