"Everything I do takes time"

I had an accident many years ago, a fall of 47 ft sadly the NHS messed up my treatment sent me home with major issues like a broken back, since then I've battled on and feel that enough is enough.

I was sent for advice and help at Brynmair basically with a group of people who think going on a short holiday would make me better, that's my cure go on holiday, after being told this, I went last week, it was a nightmare trip with me having to stop four times on the short journey, I'm now classed as paraplegic with loss of bowel and bladder functions and of course chronic pain, but the fact is going on holiday is not the best way of treating my issues, I went taking with me towels pants and plastic sheets for the beds, once I arrived I was ill tired and severely depressed, I was so depressed that the week ended up with me in tears my wife spent the week dealing with me and a week of issues beyond my control.

Then they wanted me to go to a Unit called Links where people with mental illnesses can go to get help, you know water colour painting on scraps of paper, using children paints, sitting around a table looking like you rather be home, or photography, I was told taking photos would help you, I go down first time nobody around saw a chap who said don't waste your time mate, so I went back again showed me around by someone who said make an appointment and we will sort you out, I did, went back down told painting is full, so photography, went in the chap running it said we go up mountains and hills, we cannot manage the disabled with walking issues, so that was it all over, but the clinic told me new people in charge go back down, same thing, we cannot just go where you can go.

I'm now told it's me I'm not trying, what do people expect me to be if I was running around and doing what I use to do I'd not be feeling like ending my life.

I was shown a letter by the doctor and my councilor, my doctor asked me to tell him what they wanted, he was angry I was not trying so I told him, holiday or painting on scraps of paper.

I do not or cannot go on holiday or go water colour painting at links it's full up. I'm not trying I've done everything asked of me, but everything I do takes time, the reason is simple I'm disabled.