"Left hanging"

After a build-up of stress and desperation which culminated in a suicidal episode, I booked myself into MHAS. From there I was referred to Ballenden House, where I soon began seeing a very helpful Dr. Sheldon on a weekly basis. They told me that I'd eventually be seeing a psychologist for therapy. My mood became more stable during this period, and even other people observed that my condition improved notably.

Less than two months into these regular appointments, it became apparent that my doctor would be leaving, and I would get another appointment in a month's time. Within that month I already began falling apart and feeling desperate. After one month had passed, I received a letter for an appointment - wait for it - a further two months away. That means three months between the last and next appointment! This was unbelievable to me, and I've found that being abandoned this way has actually left me feeling worse than before. I had my friend phone in on my behalf and try to negotiate an earlier appointment, but the receptionist sounded like they were just shrugging and desperate to get my friend off the phone.

I've struggled to contain myself let alone put a smile on my face anymore. As a result, all the stress has ended up falling onto my friendships and work colleagues, causing my relations to them to become strained and cold. Presently I'm feeling increasingly unstable and suicidal. The only help I've been directed towards is either a charity helpline, or going to MHAS again. The former I've already tried and found completely useless, as the person over the phone had absolutely nothing else to tell me except ask me to come visit - which begs the question; what's the point of a phone line then? I needed to go to work on that day. The latter I wouldn't find helpful either in the slightest, talking to another stranger over a phone, and then - if it's anything like the first time - going into a hospital to hang out in a waiting room for two hours, without anybody else there besides another restless patient who tries to chat me up.

If there's one way to throw me off my balance, it's to be offered help, understanding and regular company by somebody until I've grown comfortable around them - only to be cut off, keep getting redirected elsewhere when I try to get in touch, and be left in uncertainty. For these reasons, I feel this service has had an overall negative impact on my mental health, pushing me further down.