"Condescending and rude"

Fertility assessments were the topic: my husband and I nervously attended after over a year of trying. The nursing/reception staff were absolutely lovely, however the service I then went on to receive was not. This experience was dismissive, condescending and insulting. It was suggested that the only issue was my BMI - ultimately I am a size 12, body fat is 21% and I have a 27 inch waist; last year I cycled London to Paris, I am an active girl with a clean bill of health. I shouldn't need to justify - it was plainly poor advice and badly handled. Generalizations were made using BMI without also using common sense or other lines of questioning/measures - there is no indication that my weight has anything to do with our fertility issue; it was therefore so arbitrary, cruelly put and hurtful. Additionally the fact that it was delivered in an accusatory manner with my husband in the room was embarrassing for me - who said I am ok with that? As newlyweds, it would be nice if my husband wasn't forced to see his new wife as some sort of clinically diagnosed whale thank you. You took that choice out of my hands - as my weight has no bearing on any treatment, I feel this could have been shared privately. it was mortifying.

Regarding the rest of the discussion; generic advice was piped out in a one way fashion -there were no other health assessments to understand what might be the issue. Tests I had taken at the GP which came back as normal were the only measure used. I was informed (despite never indicating I even do any of these things) not to take vitamins, temp chart or really do anything at all! I didn't get to say a lot as we were talked over or dismissed which was especially hard to stomach as I am a practicing scientist myself working in lab diagnostics and fully understand how ovulation and timing of intercourse works. We were given basic feedback, we learned nothing new, there was absolutely no need for my husband to even be there and we were simply told to try for another year. It was all handled as though we were gullible and naïve children who were little more than an inconvenience.

We both have big careers and have to be resilient, and trust me when I say I am not a crier, but after this visit I left in tears over the sheer level of disrespect/empathy or advice. I took an afternoon off to attend the hospital only to get called 'fat' and told to go away. I feel we are at our lowest ebb, desperately hoping to start a family and did not need to be made to feel that way on top of an already emotional journey. We were advised to avoid self-funded IVF if it comes to it, however this experience swayed me more towards considering going private as I feel very uncomfortable about going to that ward ever again and certainly if I do return and am made to feel this way again I would seek out the complaints commissioner. I only hope that the maternity ward is better and that you are treated with more respect for if we need to visit in coming years