"finding myself again"

After coming to M for a single problem regarding my relationship to comfort food M helped me realise I was suffering from depression and anxiety. It started years ago with the birth of my first born, after a traumatic birth and him being in special care baby unit I found this difficult to cope with and shoved it away in my mind to deal with another time, because I didn't know how todeal with this and other things I began to get depressed, I didn't realise this, I stopped making plans, stopped meeting up with friends/family. Becoming a mum I felt like I lost myself and who I was wasn't important and I didn't matter.

My 2nd child came along bringing along the old traumatic birth I thought I would have, but no it was a dream come true she was healthy. after that I lost myself, I got so depressed but didn't realise what was happening to me. it spiralled out of control. I turned to food to give me love, comfort, acceptance peace and control. I used food like a drug like a form of self abuse, it was my addiction my quick fix to love and acceptance, I was trapped in a viscious circle I couldn't see a way out, I disgusted myself, I thought I was so ugly I hated myself so much, the thought of self harm did cross my mind, made excuses why I didn't have to go out and meet friends, lost interest in all things I once enjoyed, became numb, felt cold and heatless, cared about nothing, everyday was dark and I just wanted to stay in bed, hurry up and finish the day so I could get back to bed.

As I write this I have genuine tears of joy, pain and relief rolling down my cheeks. How on earth have I grown since starting my sessions. Looking back now its hard to believe that person was me, M helped me learn to change behaviours, challenge thoughts to eventually change my emotions. Working on not ruminating about the past and stopping worry for my unpredicted future M helped me come back to the here and now to be mindful that I am living in this moment. this moment needs me and my attention and needs to be enjoyed.

I can not believe how negative and bleak my outlook on life was. I used to think " but I have. A beautiful house, beautiful kids, a loving partner, great family and friends, how dare I feel depressed what right do I have to feel this way,” the guilt was tremendous I just felt a constant burden and disappointment to people. M worked with me with self love, self esteem, self acceptance, and self respect. M helped me love myself again and realise who I was, I was me and I am worth it. There will be glum days in my future but I guarantee the will never reach the depths of darkness they once were. For I know who I am, I know what to do, I am no longer lost, I am found I am here, I am me.

If you are suffering please don't do it alone, there are people who care, people will help pick up the phone and call them. You are not alone, you are beautiful and you are worthy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx