"Miscarriage care"

I had a private scan at 7+3 which showed I was measuring about 5 weeks, with an oversized yolk sac. I was 100% sure of my dates and there was no way I could be over 2 weeks out. The clinic gave me the details of the EPU for self-referral.

Called the EPU the next morning (still sobbing), and was told I'd need to make an appointment for 7-10 days' time - there was no point scanning me sooner because my dates could just be wrong. Tried to explain I knew for sure when I'd ovulated (from charting), and couldn't possibly have conceived so much later anyway because of when we'd had sex, but it didn't make any difference and I just got told again, we can't treat this as a non-viable pregnancy until another scan in 7-10 days. But they did then say they'd scan me that day to see if their scan agreed with the private clinic's.

Scanned again, now 7+4 - told I had what looked like a perfectly healthy pregnancy of 5+ weeks, and the yolk sac being really big was “not something you need to worry about”. I kept saying “but I can't be 5 weeks, that would mean I was getting positive pregnancy tests before conceiving! ”. The midwife said maybe the tests were all faulty then, but “now we've done a scan we have to go by what the scan says, and the scan says you're just over 5 weeks. " We went round and round in circles, and I kept asking if there was any chance it could work out okay if my dates were right, but I couldn't get any answer other than “lots of women get their dates wrong, don't worry. ”

They booked me in for another scan 7 days later. I asked about surgical/medical miscarriage treatment, was told that would be arranged after the next scan if I needed it, probably another 5-7 day wait after booking it. I asked if it could please please be booked sooner, and cancelled if I didn't need it, because I didn't know how I was going to cope with the wait, I felt like I was losing my mind already and so badly needed this to be over. No - they couldn't arrange anything until after the other scan.

I started to miscarry naturally a few days later anyway. It was pretty obvious what was happening - really painful cramps, heavy bright red bleeding with clots. I called the EPU to say I wouldn't be needing the other scan, and was told I should come in anyway because “maybe it's not a miscarriage, you don't know. ” But they agreed to let me rearrange the scan for when the bleeding was over, so if it was a miscarriage they could check it was complete.

A week or so later, still bleeding and in lots of pain physically and emotionally, I got a letter telling me when my booking-in appointment would be and another one giving the date of my 12-week scan. I just howled in pain.

I do think the EPU staff were trying to help me, and I understand they are bound by existing policies. They were really kind and supportive when they finally did confirm I'd miscarried. But it did not help me to hear “your dates are wrong, happens a lot” over and over again, when I knew that nothing short of time travel could make those dates add up. It just made me feel like nobody was listening to me, either about my knowledge of my own body or about how I just could not mentally cope with even more waiting in limbo. And even if they couldn't classify it as a miscarriage until they were 100% sure, surely measuring 2 weeks out plus oversized yolk sac plus days of heavy painful bleeding is likely enough to be a miscarriage that the letters about booking and 12-week scan could be put on hold, at least?

I have had a healthy pregnancy since, but I am now terrified of scans and totally unable to believe the sonographers and midwives when they say measurements etc look fine. I am so convinced now that if they see something *not* fine, they'll hide it from me, so I can't risk believing them.