"Once I shown sign of hopefulness, they shown me..."

I was in Seaview ward for a few weeks, I started feeling positive at the beginning but as soon as I shown first sign of failure (cutting, sleeping throughout the day, suicide thoughts, not wanting to cooperate in activites), they wouldn't show any signs of trying to help, I wanted help don't get me wrong but I didn't have the drive or ambition because I naturally felt so hopeless. One particular nurse was the most helpful staff member in there, she would always take time out to come to my room and just listen, she wouldn't talk over me, she would just listen and then speak sense. The staff I did find very rude and judgemental were the nightime staff, I felt like I was being blamed and doing wrong for the way I felt and when I did speak to them they spoke to me in a way I then felt guilty for feeling that way. Just because I feel so hopeless and naturally negative, they turned that against me in a way I feel like it was out of my control because of the way I feel.