"Lack of empathy and communication"

I gave birth to my second child and I feel my treatment mainly from the staff leading up to my birth and my delivery have caused me great ptsd. 

At 35 weeks pregnant I had a check up in the Royal Jubilee in Belfast just to ensure I wasn’t showing signs of pre term labour as my first child was born prematurely. I reached my appointment and my contractions were starting which obviously panicked me but I felt content I was at least in the right setting should I give birth early again. After being checked by a lovely consultant who asked my consent to carry out an internal examination with a nurse and my husband present.  They stated I was in early labour and should be kept in for monitoring. The nurse who was witness to all of this then led me into a side room at the admissions department as I waited for a bed. 

The same nurse asked to carry out another internal and I agreed as naively I had assumed this was their job to do these checks. They didn’t leave the room to give me privacy to undress, didn’t pull the curtain or give me a sheet to put over myself and I had to struggle heavily pregnant to undress while they were  in the room. They then carried out the internal and at least 3 times I lifted myself off the bed in pain saying it was hurting me but they didn’t stop, apologise or acknowledge this.

They finally informed me that they could feel his head and that was it - they left the room and I got dressed. After I burst into tears and looking back now I can only assume they gave me a sweep due to how painful it was. I don't understand their reasoning for carrying out another internal after witnessing the consultant do one just minutes before? I have been told that staff are reluctant to carry out internals due to infections and encouraging labour so these actions really impacted me. 

My second issue was during my stay some staff were very comforting and reassured me that I was better to stay in to be observed - that made me feel heard and that they understood my fears of child birth. However once the shift changed I was then met with staff who told me I was fine to go home and was only having braxton hicks.  I found the conflicting advice and messages extremely confusing. I was made to feel I was taking up a bed and should leave or that I was about to give birth so I should stay and with my fear from my previous birth it certainly heightened my anxiety.

I was discharged and went on to full term however in March 2022 my waters broke at 22:23pm with my contractions growing extremely painful and 3 minutes apart. My husband rang ahead to let them know we were coming just to ensure I was given pain relief.  The midwife met us and walked me to the lift asking if I pushing.  When I said I wasn’t sure but my contractions are very strong and 3 minutes apart as my waters have broken they started to question why my husband told her I was pushing.  Instead of acting in the moment they stopped to ponder and decide where to take me. By this stage I couldn’t sit down as the pain of the contractions was unbearable and very close together.  I felt sheer panic and fear as no one seemed to  listen to my concerns.

The midwife said I wasn’t ready to push so left to find out if I could get an epidural. Whilst they were away I started to feel the need to push and I started bleeding. Despite my husband and I explaining constantly that I needed help they just told me to stop pushing and almost shouted at me to make a decision about whether I wanted to wait for an epidural - not knowing how long that would be -  or to go upstairs for gas and air and possibly an injection of pain relief. I decided to go upstairs as I was desperate for relief. 

I can remember walking over to the bed immediately, screaming very loudly for someone to help me and I began pushing.  So, from my waters breaking at 22:23pm, driving to the hospital and being delayed in admissions I gave birth at 23:29pm resulting in a 3b tear as I gave birth standing up. 

When I lay down for skin to skin, I told the staff I was still in pain with contractions and I was concerned as I didn't experience this with my first child. This is when a midwife started pressing hard on my stomach without explaining why and when I held their arm and asked them to stop they told me to let go and let them do it. At this stage I wasn’t aware I had torn so badly and that I was actually haemorrhaging.  Yet another staff member began pressing on my stomach and I begged them not to. They didn't  explain what was happening and simply said that they needed to  press my stomach otherwise a consultant will come in to do it and they will be more rough.  This completely traumatised me and so I agreed. This was when I suffered PPH (Postpartum hemorrhage). 

The surgery itself I have zero complaints about and  the staff were reassuring and I didn’t feel anything however I am having issues with healing and need more scans and physio. 

I am now on medication and have been referred to the perinatal team as well as on the waiting list for a debrief as I whole heartedly feel that the lack of empathy and communication by the staff I encountered have caused my ptsd.