"My whole identity as a person was gone"

I became aware of a lump in my left breast, and, as women are advised to do, I contacted my GP who saw me promptly. We agreed that I was endowed with large breasts, and that they were generally ‘lumpy’ – perhaps the legacy of having breast fed each of my children. The lump was sore. The GP suggested it might be an inflamed milk duct and prescribed antibiotics. When it did not get better, a different GP at the same practice prescribed a different antibiotic and referred me to the breast clinic at Forth Valley hospital. I was relieved that my concerns had been taken seriously, and that I didn’t have to wait long for an appointment.

I attended the clinic at Forth Valley Hospital as requested. The clinician asked some basic questions about family background and medical history. (As I was brought up in care I have limited knowledge of such things!)

The next thing they asked was if I was losing weight? (I thought they might be referring to loss of weight through cancer!) but it appeared to me that they were actually alluding to my body weight, suggesting that there is a link between excess weight and cancer. (I am actually a size 14!) I mentioned that I had successfully been losing weight over an extended period. (4.5 stones over the past 7 months.)

With appropriate dignity, I was asked to strip to the waist and lie down on the bed. They then examined me using a very heavy two-handed stroking motion in a downward direction over each breast in turn. After this (to me unorthodox) examination, they declared in a dismissive tone that they couldn't feel any lump, and asked me to show them where I thought it was, which I did, by taking it between my finger and thumb. Despite the fact that I had shown them where the lump was, they did this same heavy-handed examination of both breasts again, again declaring they couldn't feel anything. Then, rather grudgingly I thought, said they'd send me for a mammogram anyway just to check.

Sadly, the mammogram experience did nothing to restore my dignity. Quite apart from all the necessary manoeuvres to get my large breasts into position, the operative forbade me to touch any surface in the clinic, even a strategically placed grab handle. The process for the right breast was as uncomfortable as mammograms always are, but for the left breast, it was absolutely excruciatingly painful, so much so that it reduced me to tears (and was very painful for the whole of the next night).

Their whole attitude made me feel awkward and unrelaxed as if I shouldn’t have been there.

I was then asked to wait in the corridor for the result. After at least an hour, a member of staff came up to me and announced (in front of other patients) that all was fine and I could go home.

The whole experience made me feel violated by the physical processes and the dismissive attitudes of all the personnel I encountered. My whole identity as a person was gone.

If I find a lump in my breast again, what am I supposed to do?