"Supported during labour but felt failed by postnatal care"

Firstly I want to highlight the excellent care I received during labour from Aine the midwife. Throughout the labour I felt well supported and safe. She communicated everything with me and was also very caring and friendly. 

When I was moved to the post natal ward, the day staff were also very good. They offered lots of help and advice with breastfeeding and were very encouraging. The only problem was, I was in an open bay that was very noisy which isn't ideal when you labour through the night and had no sleep from the previous morning.

However, my experience changed during the night and unfortunately it is this that I will remember. During the night my daughter was very unsettled and constantly crying. She wouldn't feed from me and it was clear I needed help. I raised concerns but was given no help.

On 3 separate occasions while trying to settle her I fell asleep and was terrified that I would smother her. I asked the midwifes for help a number of times and explained what had happened and my fears but got no help.

After the 3rd time I fell asleep I asked could they perhaps watch her for 30 minutes while I got some sleep and while explaining how afraid I was of hurting her I broke down crying. The midwife said nothing and walked away while I stood there crying. Another mum actually came over to me and offered tissues and reassurance.

I have never felt so vulnerable and I feel the night staff completely failed me. It was already highlighted that I have anxiety disorder and a history of depression. The experience was so traumatic it went on to shape my breastfeeding journey as I was continually afraid of hurting my baby and eventually stopped after 3 months because it impacted on my ability to bond.

I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and depression and feel strongly that this is linked to the trauma and fear I felt during that night.

Eventually the staff took my daughter for 30 minutes to allow me to rest but not until I walked to the nurses station and pleaded for help. When they brought her back they said very little and again offered no support. The lack of empathy shown to me as a clearly vulnerable patient, and the lack of concern for the safety of my baby was appalling.

I work for the trust and expected better. I hope by giving this feedback there can be some learning for the future.