"In a much better place"

I've lived with mental health and physical problems most of my adult life.

I would have a few years of feeling good and believing I was " over it!" Then something would happen,however big or small and it would trigger the depression and anxiety again. This was all very exhausting. I would be given antidepressants and that would help, then when I felt I was coping again I would be taken of them. I was offered counselling and went for one session but I didn't engage and decided it wasn't for me!(this was about 25 years ago) Again I was about to go on this hamster wheel of being up and down. I would say it was like having a spiky profile. I was a single mum with 3 young children, so I would just cope.

I moved back home in 2020 having lived in England for 42 years. As with lots of people the pandemic had a big impact on my life. I became depressed and very anxious. I was offered zoom counselling for 6 weeks. I engaged with my counsellor and used the tools I was given to help me to work through my anxiety. It can be quite daunting bringing up the past and for years I had pushed a lot to the back of my head. Through these sessions I realised I had blamed myself for anything that went wrong but really it wasn't all my fault. I used the worksheets to enable me to understand why I reacted to certain situations. To understand me,and to help me to like myself.My counsellor had empathy she understood. 

This year I was offered the  CMP. Because of my problems with my knees I was offered 1-1 physiotherapy. My physio worked with me to help me gain strength in my legs and to help me with my confidence. I engaged with the programme and we communicated through phone calls. I was starting to feel an overall improvement in my legs and my confidence. Before I started on the programme I'd had a few falls so I wouldn't go out on my own for fear of falling over. I was very dependent on my husband. I stayed on the programme for 6 months.I feel I was ready to engage on this programme, I wanted to get better. The ups and downs were becoming too much. I wanted to be able to live out my later years with better mobility and good mental health. I also believed the all these health care professionals were putting so much time and effort for me I had to give something back. I was ready to give it my all. It worked! I'm in a much better place than I can remember. 

I also engaged in the Zoom meetings with others for 12 weeks. These were great. I found them very informative. The work sheets and information that is available is brilliant. I still refer to them. I know that if I hadn't been given the opportunity to access these programmes I would not be in the good place that I am today. I'm engaging with my exercises every day and going through the mantras I was given when I'm in situations that I'm not comfortable with. It works for me! I realise this is something I will have to do always. I'm happy to do that because I'm physically better and getting stronger and mentally I feel good.