"It took time but, I can say "I am happy I am now a non drinker"."

Today I read out something in Women's group and was asked to share it on here. I wrote it yesterday to share on facebook in hopes it would help others. 

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I hope this helps someone out there. I woke up this morning at 5.30am feeling not only proud of myself but genuinely happy I no longer drink alcohol.  Believe me, this feeling has taken some time to come to me.

At the start of my journey to quit I feared I would never cope with stress or upset without a bottle of wine. I genuinely believed I wouldn't really enjoy a celebration/social event without a glass of wine in my hand.  A huge fear was how I would ever cope with people bringing alcohol around my home (at least at theirs I could leave if the urge was too much to bear).  How on earth could I have all of their alcohol in my fridge and watch them drinking, eating and laughing together without feeling deprived, jealous, full of anxiety or even angry that I cannot do the same. More to the point I feared I would crack and pour a glass and be back to square 1.  I could write a book on this but in short I want to tell people that it is possible to get through all of the above mentioned in time. 

On Monday I had a friend stay over and I insisted they brought wine with them just as they would have in the past. I must point out here that she was very happy not to but I insisted as I have to be able to cope at some point and I felt ready to.  I even poured it for her and surprisingly I wasn't even tempted to take a sip. I had a gathering in my garden yesterday and I was surrounded by people drinking, eating and laughing. Here is the thing - I was drinking, eating and laughing too, it just wasn't alcohol I was drinking. I did not need it to have a great time. 

I cooked and served food sober instead of being half cut before anyone even arrived. I got up this morning remembering everything and don't need someone to fill me in on things whilst I nurse a raging hangover until the next drink. Instead I am sitting here thinking about how far I have come. I normally write that I do miss drinking wine but today I can honestly say I did NOT miss it at all. I no longer feel angry that I cannot drink because I can drink if I choose to. No one can stop me. I chose to quit just like I can choose to drink anytime I want to. I would just have to suffer the consequences if I do.  Somehow by keep telling myself this it has taken all the pressure away from me and finally I feel that I no longer drink because I choose not to. If I could just enjoy a couple of drinks now and then I would and I wouldn't be on the journey I am now on.  I was angry that I couldn't just do that like others can but I am no longer angry. Instead I feel quite happy and content.

Now I am not saying that the urge to have a drink has gone completely or forever (it just doesn't work like that for some of us) but I am saying that in time it gets easier and easier to deal with.  In 2 days time it will be 11 months since I drank alcohol and it is only today I feel this happy that I no longer drink. I won't pretend it has been easy, far from it in fact, but it is achievable. As I say, I could write a book on the last 11 months  but if this post can help you or someone you know then it has been worth me taking the time to write it.

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I want to add to this here. I could not of done this without support. I originally came to ORB with a view to just cutting down but the very fact I was back at ORB 7 years later   proved to me that cutting down was never going to work for me in the long run. After 30 years of battling with alcohol I finally decided to quit altogether. I can honestly say my physical and mental health, along with my finances, are so much better for it. I have taken up gardening so I have a new hobby that keeps me busy (it is important to keep busy) plus I get a great deal of satisfaction from picking my home grown veg. I have been much calmer and happier in myself since quitting, even though there were many days where I could have given in and drank,  but it has taken to now to say "I am happy to be a non drinker".  Words I never ever thought I would say.  Finally I feel free from the hold alcohol had on me. Thank you ORB for your support.