"Finally healing"

I contacted Trent PTS requesting couple counselling, entially i felt that they didn't hear what the issues where and ignored that there was problems in our relationship and almost felt that the therapist listened to my husband but not me. I was advised therapy but he was not, once again I felt like I was being told I was nutty and that it was all on me. I made a complaint at which point I was approached by one of the leads, she listened to my worries and what I thought would happen if we did not receive the help that I felt we desperately required and she agreed to offer us support. We had ongoing support as a couple which was extremely challenging but so helpful. My husband and I in December where told we needed our own therapy, which we both agreed to. I was very reluctant. I have had multiple attempts at therapy and whenever I got to the deep stuff I would be told my support was coming to an end. They didn't this time, I have never felt so empowered, so listened to and so understood. I was able to stay wit the same therapist who I felt gave me a chance to breath and finally open up about my past. My husband who has refused for years because 'theres nothing wrong with me', has engaged with every session and I can see a big difference in him each time he has had there support. We have both been told we can go back in three months. I value this because I don't feel like I have been left behind. For the first time in 10 years I feel like my husband has started to hear me, I feel like he has opened up to me and understood more why he reacts/does things the way he does. I feel like we have a chance of surviving and I feel like I can finally start to heal.

Nothing will ever change my experiences and the things I have been through, I think I accept that now, I can't change peoples reactions or actions but I can change mine and I can either protect myself or I can allow people to continue to hurt, control or manipulate me. I feel the strongest I have ever done and that's not because I am screaming and shouting. Thats because I know I don't need to. My voice will be heard when I allow others the space to think. I don't need to fix everything because I fear it will all fall apart if I don't. I am going to access counselling again in three months because I know my journey hasn't finished and after that I think I would like to access couples therapy once again. I believe learning to communicate has been a huge part of my journey and also accepting I don't need people to know the pain they have caused to be able to move on. Healing through accepting what happened is a huge part of my journey and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I can not thank the therapist I have seen and my husband has seen because you haven't just made a difference to us both individually you have made a difference to our relationship which has made a difference to our children. We still have moments but day by day we are getting better and better. Thank you for hearing my voice.