"Watching and listening"

I was admitted to hospital in early March - big fear in my life. Since a child I've feared hospitals, white coat syndrome think you would call it. I was, in my book, not serious enough to be kept in but apparently I have kidney problems, I've been on the renal ward all just over a week now I'm one of the lucky ones able to walk to the toilet and get up, 6 in a bay 5 bays a lot of patients. I'm not a sleeper, wish I was, so I observed alot, the nurses do their best. Some are outstanding some are angels, then there are some others need I say more.

I understand the covid rules the 2 metres, the Washing of hands and so forth. My stay in this hospital has been fine as are most of the NHS hospitals and I probably have to stay a while longer but I'm getting to the point that I want to sign myself out and risk my health because when you are able to help another human being who are in there seventies or so cant go near them, be careful, don't touch cause of this bloody covid, I hear the crying, asking for help put on a bed pan, in pain, told off because they did not use it then frightened to ask the nurse back for it again, then they cry for my help because I can say help this person for god sake, they're too busy but not all the time. I listen to the chatting, the laughing, life goes on. I'm told like a child I'm not allowed to go by this person because I have to be careful even though I keep what I though was the golden rule 2 meters gap, wear my mask, don't touch, I just listen to a very frightened patient who thinks she's dying.

Where's the caring society I knew, its very sad, is it all down to the covid or is it all down to people not caring as much any more, and when you do care your told or pushed into not caring. Well you won't change me but my eyes have been opened to caring in hospital, cant wait to go home, I feel sad, very sad.