"Facing and owning my addiction"

Last year I had a psychotic episode. After being a dependent user of cannabis for well over 5 years and using it for 20 years the paranoia and insecurity finally caught up with me.

I had been given some "weed" but one of the paramedics that attended on the night suggested that it may have been something other than just weed...

I was taken to A+E and was assessed and later discharged. During the assessment, I was offered some counseling through change grow live and before the lady even finished the sentence I knew I needed the support of CGL.

My circumstances are probably different to a lot of people but everyone's story is different i suppose I lost my job, my independence my pride, and what little confidence I had was completely stripped away. Anger and escape was the reason I started using full time. A chance to escape my situation and float away into oblivion often starting first thing in the morning.

I knew I had a dependency on cannabis but never thought it was a problem. I mean, I was only doing myself harm, and yeah I was short-tempered and unless you knew me the image I must have projected was of a bitter and angry person. 

I had been offered help from the Healthcare profession in the past but never really committed to any of the services offered, lack of trust, and ultimately preferring to work my own problems out through introspection and a doob.  Hearing the voice in my head which was as clear a conversation you'd have with anyone put the fear of God into me and on the night I sent a text to someone I knew and trusted basically saying if I didn't get help immediately I was going to harm myself. I mean, hearing voices isn't normal, and thankfully my recovery started that night.