"My journey with Inclusion Isle of Wight"

Dear all,

 

I have been wanting to write you a thank you letter for sometime and I have just received your Christmas card today which has reminded me. Thank you for the card, it warmed my heart.

  Where do I even start? There are so many things I am thankful for from my time at Inclusion, it’s difficult to pinpoint what to say first.

  I suppose an appropriate starting point would be how far I have come since I walked in your door towards the end of 2018. I really was extremely resistant when my key worker, Becky, at Chantry House referred me to your service. I was in such denial about my drinking that, at the time, I thought it was perfectly acceptable to turn up to my appointment at Chantry after a liquid lunch! I was in an extremely difficult situation with my housing, in a destructive relationship, had not long returned from Greece (which had left me in pieces) and was drinking daily. To say that my self-esteem was at a low would be an understatement. At that time, alcohol felt like my best friend, while in fact it was my worst enemy. I relied on it for everything. It was my only calorie intake as I was barely eating solid food once a week, it was my sleeping medication, my confidence-booster, my shut- everything- out solution and my favourite daily dose of self destruction. I felt trapped in a situation that I couldn’t see a way out of and I felt hopeless.

  When the time came around for my initial assessment at Inclusion with Rebecca, I had managed to stay sober for a little while. This was mainly because I needed to in order to qualify for housing with Two Saints. Despite my renewed sobriety (having been in and out of recovery since I was twenty), I was completely lost in my eating disorder and, above all else, desperately insecure and anxious. I remember being such a nervous wreck that I managed to get lost walking up and down the street (in the pouring rain, fighting with my umbrella which is still broken to this day after it fell apart in the storm that morning) for over an hour. I ended up phoning the hub in a total panic to get directions after Maps failed me. Everything I did around that time- from trying to find my way to somewhere new, to being around people I didn’t know- felt like a total fiasco and I felt so inept at everything I tried to achieve.

  I was so grateful when I was offered the support of Inclusion. Always expecting the worst, I had already built myself up to being rejected as I was already sober and “I didn’t even have that much of a problem.”

  I felt like a scared little girl when I attended my first ever group (RAW). It was only myself & 2 others but I was so anxious and afraid that I was shaking. I had tried AA, NA and OA in the past which I found scary enough and which hadn’t really worked for me. I’m not afraid to admit that I didn’t exactly have high hopes for any real change when I first came to Inclusion! But oh, how wrong I was to be pessimistic.

  I have never felt so welcomed by an organisation in all my life. As someone with a severe case of abandonment issues, I cannot tell you just how much that meant and means to me. Inclusion came to be like a second home to me and every minute I spent in the hub was a total pleasure.

  I went through a rollercoaster of emotions during my time there. I cried a lot, got angry a few times, I felt nervous on countless occasions and at one point I even decided that everyone was against me. But, more than anything else, I laughed constantly and smiled until my face ached.

  Before my volunteering days with you guys, I could barely sit in a room with two strangers without having a panic attack. Towards the end of my Inclusion journey, I was able to sit in a room with twelve other people and talk comfortably. I cannot express how much the groups I attended- RAW in particular- changed my life for the better. I have not had a full panic attack for several years now and I really do put that down to working with groups and growing my confidence.

  I know that my recovery journey is not over but I want to express my deepest gratitude to you all for helping me to grow, change, smile, be honest with myself, see the good in myself, gain confidence, see my potential and blossom into the person that I am today.

 

I am thankful to every one of you in your own special way and I am so impressed with you all and all the hard work and passion that you put into your roles. You have all played a valuable and an individual part in my journey and I will carry every piece of advice I have been blessed with in my recovery toolkit for the rest of my days.

  I’d like to say a special thank you to Tony B and Harry; my superiors who never acted with even a whisper of superiority and who saw something in me that I wasn’t able to see in myself.

  I like to think that you were not just my colleagues, but my friends too and I have no plans to be a stranger.

 

With my deepest thanks and warmest regards,