"My depression and the help and support"

Towards the end of 2019 leading into 2020 I became very depressed. This came a a great shock because I had always thought that I was 'on top of things'. To add to my consternation I did not expect this to happen at the ripe old age of nearly 73. My husband belongs to the 'pull yourself together' brigade, and so I was left to deal with this alone. The only bright stars that shone were my son, daughter, my youngest sister, (in Australia) and my dear cousin in Amsterdam. Without their ongoing love and support I dread to think how this might have played out.

As the year unfolded we were gifted Covid and lockdown, things that were not helpful to being cheerful. I could not see my children or grandchildren and it hurt so much. We are fortunate that we can afford holidays, and for 2020 we had FOUR planned. None of these have happened.

The death of George Floyd left me stunned and shattered beyond belief !!1 I was plunged into a very bad place. After 52 years in England I thought that growing up in Apartheid South Africa was in the dim and distant past. The realisation that this was not so left me bewildered. This unspeakable violent death brought all the horrors of our plight as black people living under such a wicked regime to the fore. I thought that I had dealt with the fallout of Apartheid, I was unprepared for the impact that this had on me.

I also had to deal with unresolved issues arising from my VERY dysfunctional childhood. Daddy was alcoholic, a compulsive gambler, a womaniser and most horrifying of all, a convicted paedophile. We have now come to realise that Mummy was severely bi-polar. I was subjected to almost daily physical and emotional violence from my mother.

For all that, the end of 2020 has left me feeling somewhat optimistic. I have entered the New Year with positivity and determination to work at making this a better year for myself and my nearest and dearest who have been so affected by what has happened to me.

Eunice has been a wonderful and her counselling has given me great support and guidance. She has opened up a world of discovery for me regarding issues which I have never addressed. She has steered me on a path where I can now start to deal with the things that are unresolved. This experience has been good and fulfilling for me.