"Thank you for providing this angel"

Dementia is a cruel disease & takes so much  not only from those diagnosed - but also from family, friends & loved ones. It’s not often that when breaking point is reached by those caring for dementia patients are lucky enough to be given the chance to have the experience of an Admiral Nurse in their life. Someone who understands all the complexity of issues & emotions that overwhelm you in this bitterly sad situation you find yourself in. 

Family & friends can only support you so far in your dementia journey, & all too often you find yourself isolated by the daily grieving that dementia brings- It is a daily bereavement that this diagnosis delivers. Along with the tsunami of  paperwork & pressures of accessing appropriate care dementia delivered the burden of guilt. No matter what I did it would never be enough, each decision I made eroded away at my own enjoyment of life. The system of care is complicated & with everything in modern day life often fractured into many different agencies. That alone brings added stress trying to co-ordinate & organise (honestly getting Hannibal & all his elephants over the mountain would now be a piece of cake in comparison !) & is totally demoralising. 

Having trusted the care system & seeing how it failed my Dad ( that’s another story & whole can of worms!) I wanted so desperately after losing Dad to dementia in December 2019 to get it right this time with my Mum. Yet the same issues & frustrations were still present & add to that mix Covid19.

So something had to give & that something was me.... I no longer recognised the person I’d become neither did my family & friends. Like a wounded animal I retreated inwards with my only contact of the outside world being the care agencies & my efforts to access them. 

Yes having both parents diagnosed with Dementia & going through the end stages so close to each other is ... well ....pooh! 

My own mental health was at an all time low & it was then that a lovely PCT nurse pointed me towards getting some help for myself. I was at first outraged - it wasn’t me who was the priority but now my soul remaining parent. How wrong I was ... 

Enter Caroline, Admiral Nurse- stage left as they say. 

Desperate to save my relationships with family & friends who in my eyes no longer understood me & the issues I daily encountered. Covid 19 meant Caroline’s working practise had drastically changed & rather than face to face was now via phone & email. Caroline’s role as Admiral Nurse is to support family, friends & carers of those with Dementia. Regular contact with Caroline enabled me through her counselling to piece back together the fundamentals of the person I was before dementia came into our lives. I was able to grieve those daily bereavements & also open the Pandora’s box of issues of emotions & memories that where tearing me apart. I opened up to Caroline & discussed issues, thoughts & emotions that I was myself was ashamed of. Yes this soul searching was hard & painful & meanwhile dementia & those daily struggles & issues were running alongside all of this inner turmoil; but gradually Caroline helped me make sense of this alien unwelcome & uninvited situation that the diagnosis of dementia had placed me in.  

Repairing the damage done to family relationships seemed insurmountable at times but Caroline’s counselling meant things improved in leaps & bounds & finally life started to have elements of normality again. Those awful feelings of guilt diminished & became manageable & I was able to rationalise them.

No matter what you do it will never feel as if it’s enough, that no longer torments me now - thanks to the knowledge  & vast experience of an Admiral Nurse. The support given via this service is transformational & I wish I had had access to this when my Dad was alive; but I am eternally grateful to have been given the opportunity to experience this excellent service. 

I no longer dread waking up, am able to find enjoyment in life & actually start living a life again. Yes dementia throws curveballs & frequently but having an Admiral Nurse walk by your side as you travel down dementias pathway to its final conclusion... well it’s like having your own personal angel that you can email & phone in my experience. I still email & “vent frustrations” but also I am now able to share the positives in life’s various experiences, & the laughter that’s now returned into our lives. 

So to round off my husband says he has his wife back & my family have their fun loving mum. Wow I hadn’t realised I had gone - I had just no longer recognised who I had become. 

So Thank You - Caroline, Admiral Nurse

Thank you to the Admiral Team & RCH for providing this “angel” 

My advice to anyone struggling is please don’t be afraid to reach out for help it is there & can transform