"Pregnancy, birth, recovery"

C section, parted from partner after a couple hours before moved to recovery ward, high amount of blood loss, then having to look after a baby whilst not being able to move my legs properly. Laying in my blood soaked sheets that didnt get changed till a new midwife came on the ward. Given a sponge bath with the catheter bag being left on the floor and it nearly being stood on. Listening to other new mums on the ward with their partners on the phone, crying. Then being stuck in hospital for 4 days because jaundice levels were rising and 1 box below treatment zone. So his dad didn't see him again till he was 4 days old.

Then had to go back to hospital, alone, with a newborn to be treated under the lights. Him getting a covid test at 5 days old...which honestly makes 0 sense to me.

Then at 17 days old, had to go to A&E due to him being sick and being admitted to the childrens ward for 4 days, alone with me again, crying because my baby was screaming, resting heartrate at 230, red skin, low oxygen, 39 temp, stopped feeding and had to go on a feeding tube, getting a canular for antibiotics, constant blood test and a lumbar puncture. Dealing with that alone, with 0 sleep and in pain from surgery and having to sleep on an armchair in hospital. Crying to the nurses, feeling depressed and like I was failing when in reality, I'd spent half of his life alone with him in hospital and not being able to get a cuddle from my partner or mum.

The covid rules seriously need to be re-examined and include the father more and even services and classes being available to go to after pregnancy. Health visitor giving me a list of places that can help me, then saying they're all closed but there's a few helplines you can ring.

Oh and then them giving me a covid test at 2cm which I was okay with, until they tried doing a 2nd covid test just before my emergency section.

4th pregnancy after 3 miscarriages, and my partner who I live with, not being allowed to ANYTHING to support me in case the highly likely case of something going wrong at one of the scans. Also had early scans cancelled due to Covid and was told good luck and "hopefully you don't lose this one".

Now I have a 5 week old son, and feel like I'm mentally struggling due to not having face to face support from mum groups, or anyone that can help me. Only given helplines to ring, everywhere's closed.