"Traumatic hysteroscopy"

In March 2017 I went to Southlands Hospital in Shoreham for a hysteroscopy and biopsy. I was sent there after suffering 2 week long heavy periods. My GP told me it was an outpatient clinic and it was nothing to sorry about, 'just like a smear test'.

I suffer with fibromyalgia and had significant anxiety about the appointment. Once I was called through to the procedure room I was instructed to remove my underwear and hitch up my skirt, place my legs on the supports and relax. The consultant didn't even make eye contact with me. The nurse stood by my side like a statue. I wasn't offered any comfort or reassurance despite my obvious distress. Then it began. I was filled inside with water, as the doctor started I screamed out in pain and sobbed. My uterus started contracting and I felt like I was in labour. At no point did they offer to stop. The nurse said and did nothing. Then they attempted to insert the camera and I nearly hit the ceiling. It was searing agony. I have never given birth vaginally, I had 2 c sections. I have never felt pain like it and I felt like I was going to pass out. The doctor then said as I was making such a fuss, and would use a local anesthetic on my cervix which they promptly injected. I sobbed and sobbed. This felt like medieval torture. They then tried the camera again. It was still agony, I bit down and cried. I was told to hold still and it would be over soon. 

The doctor said it all looked normal inside and that a coil would sort my problem out. Before I could even think about  it they had shoved a coil in me that I didn't really want and then I was told to go get my underwear back on. I could barely move, I think i was in shock, I felt sick, faint and in disbelief that this was happening to me. I then got up and felt wet as water ran down my legs, not just water as I discovered it was mixed with my blood. It was all over my skirt, it had run off of the seat and all over the floor like a horror scene. I was told to use a sanitary towel if I had bleeding so I took one of the giant ones offered. 

That was it, I was sent out to go home. I called my husband to collect me and I cried my eyes out. When I got home and got out of the car I realised I had bled straight through the towel, my clothes and all over the car seat. As the afternoon went on I felt worse and worse. I felt like a wreck and like I had just been tortured. 

I am still petrified of having my next smear, I dread the time that this coil needs to be removed because I don't think I can let them near me again. I will never trust a doctor when they say something is simply 'uncomfortable' 

I still think about it and have flashbacks of that pain.