"The best step you can take!"

I have been brought up with the view you just get on with it. So for my entire life I couldn't admit to myself and was scared to admit that I actually needed help. Even after the fact I had tried taking my own life on a few occasions. 

When I had my children I continued to experience many difficulties in life but because I had children I was then extremely scared to seek support, due to fear that I may be judged that I couldn't look after my children. So I got on with it, hid everything and just kept picking myself up. During that time ( which I now have learnt ) my anxiety and feeling of depression and fear of failure grew even more.

It wasn't until a few years back when I had a strong sense that I wanted to help others and find a role to offer non- judgemental support to others that I decided to volunteer. While volunteering I learnt many life skills by going on many courses and it was then that I actually realised/brought to admit, that I myself had been struggling for so long that it had become a part of me, to the point that I didn't even notice it anymore. Even now I find it hard to admit. I have always been the one to look after everyone and I didn't want to let anyone down or for that to stop.

Eventually I came away from volunteering and started to take a hard look at myself. Then next best thing I did was to return to seek support for myself oh and have a one to one catch up with Renee at the Recovery college, speaking out loud was a huge step forward!

I started to attend and have recently completed some courses with the Recovery College and over the past few months the learning, the support and friendless that I have still received has been priceless. Even after not showing up for courses and missing appointments Inclusion has still kept in touch with me in some way or another and has been there.

This has been my lowest year in regards to admitting to myself i'm not supposed to feel like this, figuring myself out and the fact I don't have to pretend no more and discovering that it doesn't make me a failure or weak. I'm sure that during these past few months if it wasn't for the help and support given I would of completely broke by now and gone into a deeper hole.

During my time at Inclusion and the Recovery college it has helped me to discover my issues by learning about Mental illness and helped me on my own personal journey. It is no quick fix, my journey still has a way to go and it definitely got harder before it started to get easier.

The hardest has been trying to discover me before I felt so low and anxious, to even remember what that feels like and if I have ever known life without it! But the more courses I attend, the more support I am given and the more inspiration I get from listening to others who have had similar experiences, the more it make sense and is helpful.

I am extremely thankful for the help that Inclusion Thurrock ,The Recovery college offers - when ever I feel I want to accept it or need it and honestly now being at Inclusion feels the safest, non-judgemental environment to be in to continue my personal growth, recovery and build on my dream of being there to support others in the future on theirs.

If I have one piece of advice for anyone, both service users and to service providers is don't give up, keep trying. It is hard but keep going back to the service or keep reaching out in order to find what works or what suits you. The Recovery college, Inclusion and Mind offer so many different services. It may take some time and you may not find answers straight away but eventually and slowly it will all start to click and you do relate back to all the learning and support, even if it's months and months after. Never give up, keep fighting and it will one day get easier, if you can be honest with yourself and others, reach out and accept the help that is offered then that is the biggest and best step you can take towards recovery. 

I like to thank everyone for the support that I didn't even know I needed!