"Mental Health Support"

It is 12. 45am and I have just managed to get home safely after a traumatic day. I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and recently have been struggling. Night times are difficult and for the past few weeks I have been sleeping in my car. I am exhausted and am trying my best to keep going and to stay at work. However this morning I had to do a manual handling course and the man leading the course asked me to help him to demonstrate how to lift an object safely. He innocently came behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders and straight away I was flashed back to a traumatic event in my past. I couldn't breathe and had to leave the room before I passed out. I managed to get to my car and sat in my car very distressed.

Hours went by and I was semi conscious of my surroundings as I disassociated to try to deal with my distress. Finally I managed to ring my community mental health team and asked to speak to the duty worker. The receptionist said that the duty worker was out on a visit and that someone would ring me back. I sat and waited but no one called me.

Hours went by. I remember walking out of my car in the rain and taking my shoes off to try to ground myself on the wet floor. I sat in my car and was aware that I had wet myself and cut my wrist. Eventually at later on in the morning I rang the crisis team and Richard was so kind and understanding. He took his time to make sure I was safe and had a plan to get to a nearby A&E to get my wrist stitched up.

I sat in my car for a few more hours until I felt grounded and calm enough to drive safely and just drove home. I had been in my car for over 12 hours. My wrist needs looking at but I don't have the energy to deal with A&E but will get it looked at tomorrow.

If my community mental health team had rang me back this afternoon then I could have avoided some of my distress and might not have hurt myself.

I am highlighting this as a recent example of them not returning my calls but this is often the case. I feel that recent changes in staffing and procedures have meant that I am not getting the support I need and it is making me very vulnerable. I only ever call when I need support and if I can't rely on getting that support when I am struggling then I am at considerable risk of harming myself or ending my life.