"He showed me light when all I could see was darkness!"

I have had counselling in the past many times, both talking therapy and CBT. The talking therapy worked in some ways, But I did not find my CBT therapy helpful at all, I think its important that you gel with your therapist, its fair to say we can't gel with everyone and its ok to speak out and change to another therapist, after all you wouldn't try to squeeze into a pair of jeans that don't fit? !

6 years since my bad experience in CBT, but I had to do something as my quality of life was very bad due to my violent ex boyfriend stalking myself and my family, he had threatened to kill both myself and my husband, he even instilled fear in my children. I was to scared to go out alone and I was even scared in my own home. My mental health had gone down hill fast, so I took the step and went to the doctors who referred myself to inclusion matters Wirral.

Shortly after I received a questionnaire to fill in and a phone call of them to see how best to help me, After speaking with a lovely and understanding lady we decided CBT was the right way forward and I would be put on the waiting list.

(A part of me had given up and I had pulled myself out of my dark hole, or so I thought) How wrong was I! !

7 months later I got a call from Ben at inclusion matters Wirral, he was so apologetic for the long wait, and we arranged my first appointment.

I remember sitting in the waiting room with my husband, I was so nervous being the first time seeing a male therapist, But as soon as I was greeted by Ben with a big smile I knew I was going to be ok, it was like catching up with an old friend you hadn't seen in years, I was put at ease straight away.

I had no idea what was in store, after a long chat about every thing, from my first love at 18 who sexually and mentally abused me, to my first marriage where myself and children suffered abuse in every way, to lastly my ex boyfriend you have already read about! (I know what your thinking is this lady for real? ? can someone be this unlucky? ) I found it hard to believe myself, I would talk about it to anyone who asked but always as a 3rd person, almost like it wasn't me and I was telling someone else life. This was how I survived the last 17 years, some might say a ran away, and I guess I did, until I met Ben! !

I was treated for post traumatic stress disorder for the sexual and mental abuse I suffered at 18 by my first love, I never imagined 17 years on this had such a hold on not just my life but the choices I was to make in my future.

Ben offered myself a female therapist due to the nature for the work we would have to under take, I did not need to think about in not even for a second, I told ben I am sticking with you as it would be good to have a positive male in my life, and we started the very hard work of rescripting and reliving exercises.

The expectation coming into any thing like this is you need to cry and fall apart or its not worked, please don't think like this as it is so far from the truth, I had to relive a number of traumatic experiences and I coped by smiling and laughing, Ben seen the smile hid the sadness and the laughter hid the tears and he just smiled and laughed with me, without that I don't think I would of coped. I could tell Ben any thing and I was never judged and I always felt safe.

My therapy was hard work and a lot of home work to do, but never did I feel a lack of support as I would receive phone calls of Ben and I could text or phone him any time and never did I feel like I was a burden or inconvenience. My therapy has came to an end after 6 months, But I will be going back as I have still got a lot of work to do, I am sad that its over as at times during this Ben felt like my only friend and I will miss the kindness and support I was shown.

I would say to any one who needs to reach out but is scared, take a leap of faith and jump its worth it, Yes its one of the hardest things you will ever do, but the reward is amazing, the feeling of accomplishment is its own reward not to mention the feeling of pride.

For the first time in 17 years I seen my abuser 2 days after treatment was finished ( yes I am that unlucky or lucky depending on how you look at it ) I say lucky because for the first time in 17 years I walked past with a smile on my face and my head held high, as he hung his in shame!

Ben not only helped me play his game, He helped me win it.

Thank you will never be enough! ! After all how do you thank the man who helped you threw the storm and gave you the rainbow?

Thank you again to Ben and all at inclusion matters! !