"I pretended I was better to get out of there"

I have been on this Ward twice now and it has not improved from my first admission. On my first night as I got there about 9pm one of the staff said you are gunna have to wait for the doctor to see you, so I waited in the dining area as no one did show me to my dorm area and I was not impressed as I was waiting hours to see the doctor and I also was not impressed with physical condition of the Ward is horrible, holes in the walls, cig burns in every toilet, the whole Ward smelt of smoke and they seemed to be understaffed as there was only 4 staff in the office and this is hideous, 4 staff to 25 woman. As I suffer from severe anxiety and I'm not good with people I suffer day to day struggling to talk and they was gunna put me in dorm with other people so as I was voluntary patient I discharged myself after a couple of hours, As I didn't feel safe because all the other patients was a lot older than me.

On my second admission after a significant attempt to end my life and I was also underweight I was not eating and I was making myself sick, So I was sent to Manchester as they was no more beds available in Cavendish and was there for two months it was December and I was so close to getting better I started eating again and stopped making myself sick and the staff told a bed as come available at Cavendish so I had to be moved I really didn't want to, as I know it would set me back as I only got to trust the staff at Manchester I was so upset. So when transport came to take me to Cavendish I was refusing to go, when I got to Cavendish I was still upset as I didn't feel safe at all and I didn't trust the staff, so then the staff showed me to my room I had my own this time but the room is dirty got holes in walls and they are really dirty walls. As I just got there I wanted see a doctor but the staff said no not today and because it was late the staff was giving out medication so I wanted mine as I was suffering from anxiety, so I wanted PRN and my other meds but they said no. I was angry I wanted my meds so I could go to bed so I wanted to speak to someone so I knocked on office and asked. They said no there is no one available, even though they was 4 staff in office so I was crying in the corridor and a person attacked me for crying and staff did nothing it was the patients who stopped it as the staff was sitting down in office talking, so I went bed as I was so scared. So when woke up I asked to see if I can have medication they said no again so I wanted doctor they said no again so it came up to dinner I did stop eating again and starting making my self sick as really do struggle with meals the staff at Cheadle helped me with my eating but the staff at Cavendish didnt at all, so I just stayed in my room all day as the staff wasn't taking me on. I was left on my own, as they didn't talk to me, refusing me my meds.

So, I finally got to see the doctor after two days of waiting. I pretended I was better to get out of there, as I was on section and they didn't see that I was faking.